I’m at that age where all of my former sorority sisters are getting married. This means that every time I log-in to Facebook I am bombarded with an unreasonable amount of wedding-related status updates. It is a very surreal experience seeing the girl that got Eifel-Towered at Theta Chi talk about how it’s only “79 days until 2 hearts become 1.” There seem to be two main kinds of wedding posts that dominate my mini-feed. I have categorized them as “couple-focused” and “wedding-focused”. Under the couple- focused category falls all of the mushy statuses that profess undying love for their future hubby on a daily basis starting around the time of engagement and continuing up until the day of the wedding (my research indicates that the number of ‘likes’ and supportive comments dramatically decreases after more than 4 such posts). Under the wedding-focused category falls all posts detailing unnecessary wedding drama. You know, the: “OMG are there any weddings bands out there that DON’T suck!? Seriously starting to consider just plugging in my nano LOLZ” And of course the “um, since when is “ballet slippers” the same shade as “light pink” Seriously. About. To. Freak. Out.” Under this category you can also find the constant barrage of wedding-related progress updates complete with photo documentation: “The place cards came in!”, “Finally settled on the perfect color for the table linens! Phew!”
Now let’s be clear, if this makes these girls happy, then I am very happy for them, but this is not something that I want for myself. I wouldn’t say that I am anti-marriage, but I would say without hesitation that I am anti-ridiculous-and-unnecessarily-extravagant-weddings. As of 2009 the average amount spent on a wedding was $28,082.00*. That is a tremendous amount of money, planning, and effort all focused on a one-day-long celebration. It would seem to me that after such a huge, amazing celebration, actual married life would seem awfully anti-climactic. In my mind, a day of extreme happiness and celebration followed by a lifetime of mediocrity is certainly not a recipe for a happy, healthy relationship. It seems logically that a relationship following this sort of pattern is structurally flawed and that perhaps a solution would be to de-emphasize the wedding and instead emphasize adventure and celebration spread throughout the entirety of the marriage. Do you know how many adventures you can go on with $30,000? A lot. And in my experience, adventure, excitement, and sharing new experiences are all crucial to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.
I readily concede that in many ways I am not a traditional girl, so I don’t expect that everyone will be able to relate to my perspective on weddings and marriage, but for me marriage is in no way necessary. I have heard so many girls say that they need a partner to “complete” them, or that all they need to be happy is a husband. Honestly though, if you don’t feel happy and complete as an individual, you have problems that marriage is not going to fix. I am happy with who I am and I know what I want out of life: I want a life full of adventure and excitement and I refuse to settle for anything less. I know that I am capable of living the life that I want as an individual, so the way I see it, it’s a win-win: either I live a happy, exciting and amazing life (sans hubby) or I find a man who supports and shares in what I want out of life. And let me tell you, if I fell head-over-heels to the point where I was ready to begin considering marriage, the LAST thing on my mind would be place cards and table linens.
xx,
K.
* Jaeger, Chris. “Wedding Industry Statistics.” Editorial. American Wedding Study. Bride Magazine, 5 July 2011. Web. 8 Feb. 2012. http://weddingindustrystatistics.com/.
30.000 dollars on a wedding? I agree, I can think of many more interesting things to do with the money! My gosh, I could go travelling for years, do an entire course in college or.. too many ideas! If I would ever get married it would be a low budget wedding, with a good party and only my closest friends.
Thanks for your comment
I agree- it would be so much more intimate and less stressful that way.
Bravo!! I have always felt this way, but never expressed it as well as you have here. What is it that makes couples agonize over every detail of that day and then think they aren’t supposed to invest time and effort into their relationship? Somehow, a lifetime of happiness and mutual satisfaction is just supposed to happen? Focus on the marriage, it’s your LIFE you are talking about, and screw the pretty napkins, unless you have the time and energy (and money) to focus on both. If that is truly the case, then bring on the flock of doves and the little bottles of bubbles with your names on them, just don’t become a divorce statistic before sheen wears off you Tiffany wedding bands.
hahaha, if I could marry this comment, I would.
I completely agree!
Thanks! <3 your blog!
Thanks for reading
Thanks!
Thank God. There is a woman in the world with enough common sense to realize this. I wouldn’t mind getting married again but, Geez, even in their 50′s women seem to want to spend our combined yearly incomes on it. Personally, I’ve had enough debt to hold me and I don’t se the purpose for the waste of resources. It’s would make our lives worse, not better.
Babe, you haven’t been to crazy weddings if you haven’t been to brown desi weddings (a.k.a indian sub-continent). I have regular arguments with my family about the kind of wedding I want, I am engaged and I want the most simple wedding but the culture is so dominant that I won’t be surprised to see about 500-600 guests at least in my wedding of whom i wouldn’t know even a 100
I have great respect for writers who have mastered the art of the title; you, dear lady, are one of those gifted few who “get it”!
Great – and accurate – title!
Thank you! A little controversy is never a bad thing
I loved this! I didn’t want to get married either when I was young, but ended up eloping with the love of my life, at age 48, six months ago! I was so not a “here comes the bride” person and I didn’t enjoy 90 percent of the weddings I had to go to in my lifetime. And I always disliked when future brides started talking about the wedding two years before it happened and that’s ALL they would talk about! Women do not need a man to be complete. It’s the icing on the cake to find someone you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with. For me, it’s about connecting with someone who is your best friend — not the ring, not the wedding and not posting plans on Face Book for two years prior. In fact, when we eloped, no one knew the date except for our witnesses
that’s so romantic! I’m so happy that you refused to settle and were able to find the love of your life! xx
Thanks! Those are the key words to all single women: “refuse to settle”; it’s always worth the wait. (This is my first marriage too! I’m not divorced, lol!)
more power to you!