I think it’s time to face the cold, hard truth: men with accents are like crack to American girls. Sign me up for some serious detox time because ladies, I’m addicted. They make everything seem better than it actually is and you just can’t seem to get enough of them. They make things that would usually be boring and ordinary seem fascinating and sexy; he’s just ordering a six-inch sub but he might as well be talking dirty. It’s amazing how much an accent can compensate for. Men that you never would have given a second look you will suddenly find irresistible when they ask you for directions with their charming British accent, or when they reveal their Australian roots by offering to buy you a drink with an accent so dreamy that not even a crocodile could resist. However, men with accents are very much aware of the effect that they have on American women. There is a well known story in Europe about an ugly fellow who couldn’t get any play in his motherland, so he packed a duffle-bag full of condoms and headed for the states where as legend has it, he depleted his supply in a mere three months. For shame, ladies.
I have done extensive research (no need to thank me, it was my pleasure, really) and have come up with some basic guidelines which should help you to avoid falling into an accent-veiled- mantrap as well as to make the most of your foreign affairs.
- Look at him when he’s not talking: Do you still find him attractive? If not, don’t lower your standards simply because he happened to be born overseas. (Exception: men that happened to be born overseas to royalty)
- Repeat what he says silently to yourself in your head without the sexy accent. It’s amazing how everything from “I hate America,” to “I happen to be a sociopath,” can just skate by unnoticed when you are lost in the beauty of his voice and the mystery of his eyes.
- If he is saying things that you don’t agree with but you are finding it impossible to hold it against him because he sounds so good saying them, try imagining that he is the villain in a Bond movie. It works for me every time.
- Remember, just because people with certain British accents might sound highly intellectual doesn’t actually mean they are, so fight the urge to try and sound equally smart by quoting things you heard on last night’s episode of ‘The Big Bang Theory.’
- Don’t mention his accent other than to ask him where he is from. He will doubtlessly be used to having countless girls swoon over it, so if you’re not so easily impressed it will throw him off and force him to step up his game.
- He’s not going to expect you to know everything about his country so don’t try to subtly (ha) Wikipedia the history of his homeland on your iPhone under the table. Trust me, casually dropping facts about his country’s population and primary exports into conversation will not help your cause.
- It’s always tacky to discuss finances and discussion regarding currency is no exception, so when the bill comes don’t ask how many goats and sheep this meal would have cost in his homeland, and refrain from whipping out a twenty and joking about it making you a millionaire there.
- The hot Australian guy is not going to be interested in dating the girl who imitates a kangaroo and talks about how much she loves Steve Irwin, crocs, and Land Rovers or how her favorite show is Summer Heights High. Snap out of it sister. If it wouldn’t fly in his homeland, it won’t fly here. Imagine if you were in another country and some overzealous guy came up to you rambling on about how he loves blue jeans and bald eagles- hardly the makings of a love connection.
Of course, if you are just looking to cross “seduce a foreigner” off of your bucket list, feel free to wing it.