Follow these commandments or I shall smite you. Totally kidding, I hardly ever smite anyone.
1. Thou shalt not ever meet for the first time for more than coffee/drinks (i.e. something that thou could potentially get out of ASAP if thou’s date beith a total creeper).
- When your potential match.com boyfriend asks you what you want to do, repeat after me: “Let’s plan on meeting for coffee/drinks and we’ll go from there.” This last phrase is key because it gives you the power to maximize the efficiency of your dating time. If this boy has no dating potential get the smallest drink you can (i.e. a shot of espresso…or Patron depending on just how bad the next 20 minutes are going to be), down it, cut your losses and go. However, if the guy turns out to be great, fully execute the “we’ll go from there” clause by having a post-coffee/drink adventure.
2. Thou canst not feel chemistry through a computer screen.
- Sadly, you can spend days on end having great online conversation and even video chats with someone only to meet and find that there is no spark whatsoever. Therefore, in order to maximize efficiency, don’t invest much time with the delightful back-and-forth of online messaging. Obviously be thorough in your initial online evaluation to ensure that he is not a wanted felon, but once your determine that he likely has potential, cut to the chase and meet. If you’ve been messaging someone back-and-forth continuously for three or more weeks, it’s time to move on: they’re not looking for a girlfriend; they’re looking for a pen pal.
3. Thou shall be wary of matches with only one picture, or with pictures where thou is unable to definitively identify him.
- A birds-eye-view picture of a man on a mountain top, a man in a snow suit and ski mask, what you can only guess is a man wearing a gorilla Halloween costume, and those which only show the back of the man’s head as he presumably stares pensively out towards the horizon, are red flags when not outnumbered by clear pictures. If he does not have at least 2+ pictures that could be used to identify him in a Police line-up, move on. Further, if you find yourself thinking “wow, he looks like a J. Crew model!” Ask yourself: Is it more likely that 1.) A J. Crew model has had to resort to online dating AND you were lucky enough to be matched with him OR 2.) That some loser cut-and-pasted a picture from the J. Crew website to increase his odds of getting chicks?
4. Thou shall “block” liberally
5. Thou shalt not give away personal contact information.
- Communication on a first-name-only basis may be hard in the era of modern technology, but it will be harder to get into the witness protection program, so make it happen. That means no g-chatting from your primary account (if your first and last name will appear as the sender), no giving away your home phone number, no Facebook-friending, etc. I know it’s just killing you not being able to scroll through his countless Facebook albums so that you can judge all of the TFMs (total frat moves) he pulled during undergrad, but if you are good enough at Googling, you won’t need to ask for his last name anyway. (example search: Dan, Public Relations Specialist, Boston, MA…oh, hey LinkedIn!…and you thought that website was only good for sucking up at job interviews, ha!)
6. Thou shall provide his or her own transportation to and from the date.
- Unless of course you want this almost-stranger who may or may not be completely insane to know exactly where you live. After all, everyone needs a good stalker-story, right?
7. Thou shall take reasonable precautions to avoid dating a serial killer.
- Make sure that your first few datesare in public places: Yes, not meeting at home may seem obvious (ahem, Craigslist Killer),but here are some other red-flag date ideas that often fly under the radar:
- Hiking: “I swear I didn’t kill her Officer, it was a bear with a knife!” Also, little known trivia fact: the forest is the most commonly chosen place to dispose of murdered bodies. Just sayin’
- Sailing/boat ride: 2 words: No. Witnesses.
- A picnic in a gorgeous little secluded neck of the woods: How does that saying go? …If a girl screams in the woods but nobody hears her…
- Don’t agree to a last-minute locale-change: So you’ve been good and told at least one or two friends where you are going and who you are meeting on the off-chance that you are never heard from again, when on the way to meet your OKC Romeo he calls and suggests a much more convenient or fun place to meet. You want to seem easy-going and spontaneous, but you don’t want to die, so refuse. By changing the locale at the very last minute he’s banking on the fact that you won’t have time to tell anyone that your plans had changed. The police will spend days toting those poor cadaver dogs around the local Starbucks that you never even went to, and trying to hunt down the guy that you described to your friend as “idk, he seems ok, he’s tall-ish, and he kind of looks like that German guy from that weird action movie in the 80’s…you know the one…”
- Don’t agree to move to an unplanned secondary location: Above reasoning also applies here. Additionally, moving to a second locale may introduce the suggestion of taking one car. Here’s the thing about cars…they have locks, and trunks. All that it takes to turn a car into a prison is a psychopath with a plan. If you decide to go to a second location, make sure you are familiar with it, tell someone you’re going, and drive separately.
8. Thou shalt not disclose TMI prior to meeting.
- Perfect on paper does not always translate to perfect in real life; don’t get so caught up in your deep and meaningful gchat convo that you forget you are talking to someone that you don’t actually know at all. Put a hold on any childhood stories, tales of boyfriends past, and explanations of personal life choices until after you have met and established that you are interested in pursuing him. People rarely handle rejection well, so if you decide you’re not interested in seeing him again, it may not bode well for you that you told him about all of your most embarrassing moments…or your PIN number.
9. Thou shall know what she is looking for
- Before you make the decision to jump cannon-ball-style into the pool of potential online matches, take time to decide what you are looking for. Take stock of your past relationships and decide what has worked for you as well as what hasn’t. Having a good idea of the kind of person and relationship that you desire will allow you to maximize your efficiency so that you can quickly weed out misfit matches and zero-in on ones with potential.
10. Thou shall be thou! (Translation: Be yourself)
- I know it is tricky to condense ALL of your awesomeness into 500 words or less, but it’s a lot easier to do if you leave out all the clichés and unnecessary statements. For example, saying “I like to have fun,” is completely unnecessary- it is assumed. If you absolutely hate having fun however, that may be worth noting. The more genuinely “you” your profile is, the more likely you are to attract matches who actually have potential.
Peace be with you and all that.
xx,
K.
HAHA! That is COMPLETELY awesome! I find it next to impossible, at least HIGHLY improbable that some as smoking hot as you would have to resort to Match.com, but I would like to reblog, or at least send it to some of us other mere widowed mortals. Every Single One of these commandments is true, and a few I have found out the hard way.
Nice work, Sorry!
Much love,
Victoria
hahah what can I say? They gave me a one-month free trial, and a bargain-loving babe like myself is never one to turn down a freebie…or a chance to meet some cute boys! Feel free to reblog and share to your heart’s content! I much appreciate the publicity, especially from someone as well-connected as yourself! Thanks again and I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!
xx,
K.
I know you’ve probably been nominated a bazillion times already, but I wanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog…soooo, I nominated you yet again for The Versatile Blogger Award! You know the drill, so you probably don’t need the details…but, in case you do: http://wp.me/p2j8au-1x. Thank you for your incredible blog…I look forward to reading every one of your posts!
Thank you so much!!! I’m honored! This is quite honestly the sweetest comment I’ve ever received- I’m totally going to print it out and put it on my fridge lol. You’re the best and you’re blog is phenom!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!
K.
Perfect! You hit the nail on the head with this one.
Thanks so much girl!! Glad you enjoyed it
That photo teamed with the story is brilliant! Great post!
Some good advice, will this apply for a male as well?
Largely, yes. However for men, while the risk of dating serial killers will decrease, the risk of dating someone crazy will increase exponentially. I recommend adjusting your usage of the suggested precautions accordingly
Great way of expressing the truth! Wonderful post.
Thank you so much for your comment! I’m really glad you liked the post- I’ve been enjoying your blog as well!
Yep, 10 good reasons why I shouldn’t even try, cause I’d suck so much.
haha that’s how I feel about Zumba
Yeah, some things should just stay untouched. LOL
I’m a huge fan of the 2nd commandment:
Thou canst not feel chemistry through a computer screen
Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it
Great post. I like your style and presentation of subjects.
Thanks so much for your comment! That means a lot coming from a writer as talented as yourself!
I wrote a book titled, “Romantic Disclosures” which is about how me a 54 yr. old woman went out on dates from the internet. It’s about the men I met and how I made a whole lot of mistakes in the dating arena. Would love for you to read it and give me your feedback. It’s on Amazon.
I agree with everything except the facebook and last name part. I definitely want to know a last name to give to a friend incase something happens and I want to see fb to make sure they’re not crazy.
I obviously condone ensuring to the best of your ability that a person is not crazy before dating them, but I think it’s possible to find out a lot about them without asking them directly for their last name and being forced to give your’s in return. That’s why I would recommend getting your detective on and googling them- I mean if you Facebook them and find out that they’re crazy you may have just saved yourself from a bad date, but you also just gave a crazy person all of your personal info and a list of all of your friends. It doesn’t seem like a worthwhile gamble to me. But I’m also unreasonably good at googling haha
Great post! I am torn between paying for match.com and just trying to talk to random people until I meet one I like… I need to get this free trial thing going on. I may be too unconventional to find someone through online dating.
Interestingly enough, in my experience, it is my more unconventional friends that have had the best luck with online dating. It’s kind of like if you’re looking for a very rare and specific artifact; you’re odds of finding it online are much higher than if you were to go around to every antique store in town. However, getting into the habit of approaching people that you feel an attraction towards is definitely a great life skill that will serve you well. I don’t see any reason why you can’t execute both plans of attack! Match.com and all the other pay-dating sites pretty much always have specials going on. If you sporadically google “match.com free trial” you’ll get an idea of what the best deal is- I think right now it’s a 7 day free-trial. I seem to remember getting my free-trial after entering my e-mail address on their site to be updated on new deals and opportunities etc. I will say though that when I was on match.com I was also on Okcupid (which is free) and pretty much everyone that I saw on match, I had also seen on OKC. Free online dating, FTW! Best of luck and thanks so much for your comment!
hm maybe I’ll try okcupid as well… it’s good to know that I’m a rare and special artifact though :p
Does anyone have any online dating horror stories or great success stories? I have experienced my fair share of both.
I’ve, unfortunately, been part of the online dating scene for a few years now.
So far, not a single keeper – even the one I’m currently sort of seeing is showing his real man-colours.
Suffice it to say – in a week my profile will be deleted, my FB friends list updated, my dating g mail address cleaned out – never to be heard or seen from again.
One can only be rejected or do the rejecting so many times before you realise that what you’re looking for, in the loosest sense, is just not out there, and that it’s way easier to entertain yourself – no pun intended
Thanks for this – did me a world of good to know I’m not the only sailor in this huge boat!
Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed the post! I can relate to what you’re going through- online dating takes a lot of energy, after a while it becomes exhausted and can easily lead you to feel burnt out. I agree that the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and enjoy your life- that’s definitely the idealogy that I live by: invest your energy in yourself by doing things that make you happy, and let the boys find you!
xx
Reblogged this on theconservativehillbilly.
I’ve nominated you for the Sunshine Award! You can find a link on my page…http://kissandhide.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/sunshine-award/
Great Post.!
This is awesome! And so true.
I always swore I’d never date online…until, that is…I got kind of desperate and on a lonely dateless Valentine’s Day, yeah. I signed up for some site. I met a pretty cute guy on it and we did go out to the movies once.
It didn’t work out. But on a good note, he didn’t kill me.
We went on a “double date”. He brought a girl friend of his, I brought a guy friend of mine. They actually ended up liking each other more than we did. It sounds dumb, but I didn’t want to come home in a casket.
Peace & love to all of you
This is really true! I seldom read foreign blogs but this one caught my attention and I really love it, especially the second commandment. I am one of those few who would never resort to online dating. Haha.. I just find it strange, really strange; like all the virtual hugs and kisses that someone could send when they chat . Generally, I love this great post!
OMG, this is ridiculousy true! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for some! Maybe I should just stick with the nuns!
Hallo! Incredible blog. I am such a coward I would not meet anyone in the woods or forest. I think I would start screaming before we get to the woods. Point on. People are keeping penpals and imagining they are dating. I found this both sad and hilarious. Useful insights and nice read. Let me get some more coffee and read again…leisurely. Congratulations for getting Freshly Pressed. A must read for all online daters, I mean Penpals. Lol.
Loooooooovve this post! I just wanted to throw in a couple of sites I use to get down-low info on guys that you might find helpful: Scour.com and Pipl.com are incredible.
One more thing should be added: Thou shalt avoid all nutcases that send you red flags: overly complimentary after knowing you for a few hours, very needy, and try to get you to call them after knowing them a short time. Trust me, you’re better off.
I wish to copy this to my dating profile. Alas, thou shalt not steal another’s finely articulated and, in my limited experience/exposure to the whacked out world of online “dating,” quite factual post of commandments
Well done!
PS
My opinion is that it should NOT be called online dating. It’s online meeting in my world. If that. However, as I say this, I also know things have changed a lot since my sisters both “met” the loves of the lives online (one nearly 7 years, one nearly 9 years now). So it can and does happen. Or, perhaps, used to happen more frequently before so many creepy crawlers decided it’s just an online smorgasbord, I dunno. Do know I love your post
Thy will be done !
Hahahahaha! Its very funny but important. Thanks for sharing.
ohh..quite different..i like the post
Great post!
check out my blog on:
http://www.amiarting.wordpress.com
Having done the on line dating thing for several years on and off I can say that these precautions are a bit extreme. The FB thing…who cares? You can always delete him and you should not have anything too personal on FB anyway. IF you do, that’s your own fault. Definitely agree with meeting in a public locale, but speaking from experience the last thing on the mind of most of these men when they change their location is rape or murder. Guys just don’t about these things like women do. And if the locale is changed anyway, who cares? If its a public place you’re still ok.
I’m just saying….I’ve been on numerous dates with men I’ve met on line. Only one or two has been creepy and I’ve never felt physically threatened ever.
Ladies need to know they have to trust their own instincts and not be too afraid. We’re taught in the US to living a society of fear that is way over stated to any actual danger that we face.
That being said…I think the rest of the post was completely accurate. My own personal policy has always been to do the coffee shop thing too.
Great post, and congrats on being freshly pressed.
I followed all of these rules until the last time. The last time I met someone from Match, we went for lunch and then coffee, Date last seven hours. That was two and a half years ago. We’re getting married next year!
Thou shalt be weary of men with only black and white photos – they are likely to have ginger hair…(a big no no for me)
Great Post! and I love bloggers who reply to every comment!
Reblogged this on tindink and commented:
)
Absolutely spot on!
I’d also add to number #1 which suggests agreeing to go for a cuppa (something small so you can cut and run if your date isn’t quite your cup of tea)……meeting up early, so if it doesn’t work, you can go SHOPPING!!!
Day not wasted…thinking ahead see?
Loved your post (and the pic)
incredible blog..Great way of expressing the truth..
yea, i had to stop reading this half way cause i was at work and trying to supress my laughter, which didn’t work cause i ended up sounding like i was doing constant mini farts.
)
but man, this was hilarious, and totally agree with it all, esp with the secluded park, becuase just like in space, no one ever hears you scream. oh dear.
my experience was thatstarted speaking to a guy i thought was reeeaallyy interesting, and he just stopped communicating without an explanation. i likened it to sitting in a cafe with a friend, then mid sentence, they excuse themselves to go to the bathroom (without taking your things), then neeevveerr come back again…and later, you find out that they excaped through the window.
(thanks for this.
hahaha thank you so much for your comment! You are SO right! There is no accountability when you haven’t actually met yet- people just disappear without any guilt.
what all this about,.,.i been on dating sites for years met somem fantastic girls in exotic holiday resorts and islands around the world,.now whether its sex sites or relationship sites thata another matter,.i love afrointroductions,.its my fav site of all,..cheers,..
LOL this is funny! Thanks for writing this
Thank you so much for your comment! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it!
Amazing share. Love to read it.
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!
Very well written, I enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to read more awesome posts from you. Started following now.
Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed the post! More posts to come ASAP
what is going here.!!!
Reblogged this on Woman Woes.
Think a lot of people forget the ‘Thou canst not feel chemistry through a computer screen.’ rule!
Reblogged this on Sarah Cho and commented:
AMAZING….
Absolutely hysterical! And congrats on FP!
Hugs,
Kathy
Thank you so much! What a good/shocking way to start the day!! haha
The irony is I met a seriously terrifying man — convicted con man (hard to get a whole lot worse or I would be dead) — through a newspaper personals ad. So I wasn’t nearly as scared of guys I met on-line after that. I also learned some the creepy warning signs. You are very right to remind women to trust their instincts.
I did meet my husband on-line but he chose me…and we’ve been together for 12 years. We’re totally different in some ways and that’s the value of on-line dating (at best)…it puts you into a pool of people you might not normally consider.
Lots of great advice!
Thanks so much for your comment! It’s nice to hear that you had a positive experience with online dating
Haha! This is both funny and true. We should all pay attention to ‘online friends’. Great post!
Thanks so much for your comment! Glad you enjoyed the post!
lol, are those advices from your very own experience?
Do you personally think it is okay to date a guy who seems to be a fanatic scratchcards player?
I love this list. I like #3 (photos) and #7 (precautions). I’m so glad you said what you said about photos. I got very tricked like that once from an online date. People can look very different, depending on what profile the photo is taken from (left, right, side, full frontal); this guy looked nothing like his photo, I actually felt sorry for him because he was very nice but I couldn’t get past the shock. And I love your precautions. When I lived in the DC area, my girlfriends and I would text each other to tell one another where exactly we were meeting a date so that if anything crazy went down, at least one person knows where you are. Also, please check out my “Dating Manifesto” I wrote in February. Dating is a trip but often very hilarious and I wanted to share my humorous observations with you. Please share with others:
from the lifestyle30 blog: The Dating Manifesto, Part I:
http://lifestyle30.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/the30andoverproject-the-dating-manifesto-part-i-rules-for-men-who-want-to-date-me-and-all-of-the-other-single-ladies-of-the-world/
from the lifestyle30 blog: The Dating Manifesto, Part II:
http://lifestyle30.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the30andoverproject-the-dating-manifesto-part-ii-rules-for-men-who-want-to-date-me-and-all-of-the-other-single-ladies-of-the-world/
from the lifestyle30 blog: The Dating Manifesto, Part II:
http://lifestyle30.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/the30andoverproject-the-dating-manifesto-part-iii-rules-for-men-who-want-to-date-me-and-all-of-the-other-single-ladies-of-the-world/
Reblogged this on lifestyle30 and commented:
This is from a blog called Sorry I Am Not Sorry and I love this list. It’s hilarious how many do’s and don’ts and tricks of the trade exist for dating now. Please share with others.
hahaha! this is a brilliant post! i loved reading it! some of the DO NOT DO things mentioned here are already done by me (my bad) awesome writng!
haha no worries girl- live and learn! If I hadn’t made any mistakes, I’d have a lot less to write about lol. Thanks so much for your comment!
Nice points…….
Top advice
I’ve been on and off dating sites since they began over ten years ago – still with no luck so far. I think what few people realise is that it’s no easier to meet the right person that way than it is to meet them in real life – it still relies on chance, the right person being there on that site at the right time. Unfortunately, there are a few guys out there who think it’s an online supermarket that they can just order a woman in from and she’ll do and say what they want her to… so ‘block liberally’ is the best and most appropriate point you make, the way dating sites with instant messaging features work now. Just so you don’t feel intimidated into inappropriate conversations with strangers! I’m sure there are some nice guys out there who feel the same way about some of the women as well… xx
Thank God I’m married….
Great… no HILARIOUS post!
Good work!
hahaha! this is a brilliant post!
this is a brilliant post! i loved reading it!
He he the nuns! It’s always funny when nuns sitting in front of a computer.
Reblogged this on fita650 and commented:
Too true and funny! Shout-out to all you online daters! LOL
Like this
thanks!
Found you in WordPress.com front page. I loved the post. You got me with the nuns using a darn old laptop, but I enjoyed every joke. This one killed me: “All that it takes to turn a car into a prison is a psychopath with a plan.”
It’s a great service you provided and some tips apply to the guys, too. I will tattoo the first one in my heart. I had really bad dates years ago, and the “Starbucks-expresso-rules” will help me in future endeavors.
hahaha I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post and found some useful info. I hope that it helps you in your future romantic endeavors!!
thanks again!
This was hilarious…but very true. I have a dear friend who has followed these guidelines, almost perfectly when she tried out match and eharmony. Neither site really yielded results for her, but at least she gave it a whirl. Good advice for all the single ladies on those sites. You should see if either site will advertise the blog for you
Thanks so much for your comment! That is fantastic advice! Do you have any idea how to go about that? I’m kind of a n00b, so any advice you could give me would be much appreciated!!
thanks again!
Good advice and hilarious. Well said, well said.
thanks so much for your comment! I’d glad you enjoyed the post!
When I first got back into the dating game, my first internet date was with a woman who had the rule, “one hour, one drink” for first meets (she didn’t even call it a date). I always thought that was pretty smart.
definitely! She sounds like a pistol lol
Reblogged this on 白驹过隙 and commented:
Interesting theories
Great, solid advice ….love the nuns ! May I add one amendment….once you meet someone you think you like, enlist friends, co-workers, etc to help check them out & make sure they are who they say !
Reblogged this on peipie and commented:
I have two tablets in my hands…
I love this! So many people are online dating these days without considering things like safety, and the fact that witty online banter does NOT count as connecting. Personally I have never dated online but, man have I been tempted. I think adult dating is socially awkward…read a rant about it here:
http://sexytofu.com/2011/07/12/todays-rant-adult-dating-is-socially-awkward/
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!!! Really enjoyed your blog so far!!!
Thanks so much!!! It was really exciting and unexpected! I love your blog as well
Seriously LOVED this. And I’ll have to get caught up now that I’ve discovered you. Anyway, I am very suspicious of criminal behavior and your post spoke to me. It all makes sense and I loved, “All that it takes to turn a car into a prison is a psychopath with a plan.” So true. So damn true. Congrats on FP.
Thank you so much for your comment!! I’m so glad that you liked the post! You can never be too careful these days. xx
you ought to publish that in a magazine or something. those are actually some really good rules right there.
Thanks so much!! I wish a magazine would publish it lol
you should try looking around. if you turn what’s above into a news article format, i’m sure plenty of magazines would like to publish it. trust me, i’m still an amateur writer, and just by looking for a magazine i got a short story published in a magazine for tea conosseuers.
awesome!! Thanks so much for the tip! and congrats on getting published!
thank you. oh, and you’re welcome.
ur welcome and thank you.
Great post! Congrats on FP!
Thanks so much!! It was such an amazing surprise!
Oh my goodness! Thank you for the advice – I never realised modern dating would be so fraught with danger. I guess I’ll never become The English Mrs. *sigh*
No problem! As long as you are armed with knowledge you will be ready to tackle just about any challenge that modern dating can throw at you
This post is hilarious, and for people just now finding this blog, her other stuff is just as good. My favorite is the last minute change of locale “The police will spend days toting those poor cadaver dogs around the local Starbucks that you never even went to”
Really funny stuff and congrats on Freshly Pressed, this post deserved it!
thank you so much!! I love your blog as well!!
Excellent post.
This is really a good work. I appreciate your efforts behind that.
thanks so much for your comment- I really appreciate it!
Congrats on being freshly pressed!!!!! Lol amazing post so far keep it up!!
Really funny stuff
Thank you so much!! It was such an unexpected surprise!! No better way to start the day haha
hehe…soooooo….having dated online since the mid-90s, before there were even dating sites (meeting guys in chat rooms and their forebears), I am usually the one giving my girlfriends a similar list. Even so, I ended up on The Date From Hell.
He seemed normal enough, but we didn’t chat online too much (as suggested–I would say that one has to be a really good balance). It’s unfortunate that we didn’t share more personal info–I should have run a background check on the guy. ANY WHO, he had a nice, brief bit of time available one evening between getting off work and going to a meeting, so it seemed the perfect time to meet for coffee.
Red Flag #1. This should have been my first clue, but it sounded OK–he asked me to pick him up at work, a car dealership, because he rode the bus to work. I know the part of town and almost everyone rides the bus, so it didn’t strike me as strange.
Red Flag #2. He “inspected” my car when I got there, wasting about 20 minutes of the very short time we had together, making rude comments. I should have left him, but he shrugged it off as “joking” and we went to the coffee place.
Red Flag #3. Outside the coffee joint, he insulted a homeless man. You know, I work hard to have what I have, but I am never rude to someone who is living on the street and I’m offended by people who think it’s funny. I should have (see a theme?) dropped his sorry butt right then and there, but at this point we were nowhere near a busline and polite me felt the need to help him get back to his part of town.
Beyond Red Flags. At coffee I discovered that a)he took the bus because he had no car and no driver’s license, b)he had no driver’s license because he had 3 DUIs on his record in Las Vegas, and c)he was living in NM illegally to escape going to jail. Stupidly, the guy was living with his parents–like no one would figure THAT out!
Finally, he asked me if I’d drop him at his meeting. I was so ready to be rid of the guy, I agreed. Guess what? It was an AA meeting!! So I’m glad he was getting help, but seriously, I should have gotten to know all of this up front.
NOW…I am a very tall, rather big girl and this guy was only slightly taller and much skinnier than me. I don’t fear that someone could overpower me, but if he had been more of a criminal and had been carrying a weapon, even I might have been in trouble. What I want to say here is: I did EVERYTHING wrong on this date. And I hope someone else out there will learn from it.
hahha. I love it. These are definitely rules to live by when practicing online dating. I defintely live by those rules, although I’ve never written em down, this is the perfect go to guide. I tried that site, what’s your price. where guys/gals can bid on a date w. a user they find interesting. really cool concept, but also 1 of those situations where you need to keep in mind the 10 Commandments of Online dating. Here is the post, http://singleandexisting.com/2012/01/17/whats-your-price-what-are-you-seeking/
Hey, what great advice, especially for women! Online dating’s picking up steam, and your precautions are a must. I can definitely relate to #2. This girl and I have been talking on FB for over a year, and everything points to us being a perfect match, but we’ve yet to meet. I’ve never been in this situation before where mutual compatibility and physical attraction exist, with the only missing factor being actual face-to-face time. This girl and I are picky about prospective partners, and I feel us even making this far, has meaning. Every tiny bit of info divulged has made her and I see the bigger picture. We really took our time to get to know one another. I can only imagine this patience and discipline–which many lack–in our curiosity of each other, will lead to long-term potential.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us:)
Anytime! Let me know what happens when you two meet!! I am dying to hear how this love story plays out
Yeah me too! It’s been long awaited. <3
Having not dated for awhile (I’ve been married for some time now), I still found your post delightful and appealing.
Haha I love it! I recently just started dating again and because of my schedule I’m forced to go the online dating route. I’ve already got a date lined up so I’ll definitely be using this advice.Thanks for the laugh!
Great post! Numbers one and two especially hit home with me.
I remember scaling back a proposed dinner date to a Friday afternoon coffee and it ended up being awful. Good thing I didn’t waste my efforts with something more expensive or time-consuming. It was definitely a good reminder of why you should always have an “out” planned. I didn’t and it felt like I’d never escape – in the end, the only reason I got to is because he propositioned me for sex and I declined in an unorthodox manner. (Search for Sebastian on my blog for the full story.)
There was also a guy it took me almost two months to meet and when he finally did he ended up breaking my heart. I only wish I’d known sooner because I got pretty invested in him. He is a big reason I started blogging, so I suppose maybe that’s how things were supposed to work out for us anyway.
Thats hilarious. Great post! I tried signing up on an online dating website… 2days later i deleted it. I just couldn’t bring myself to go through it. I prefer meeting someone face to face
I’m not sure if this post makes me want to venture into online dating or never open those free-look weekend email offers again.
Thanks for the heads-up though. I believe I have discussed some of the scenarios (killed in the woods, etc) with my friends who don’t take me seriously. It’s not just my over active imagination!
Great post!
This post actually made me die of laughter! It’s funny because it’s all true! Especially #2 in my case lol. Although, I’m sure anyone who’s ever tried online dating can relate to at least one or two of these commandments. After one encounter, in a very public place, I realized online dating was just NOT for me. It’s just too contrived and too much effort to create chemistry, which, if you ask me, should come naturally. You either have it with someone or you don’t. And that’s why I think that face-to-face meetings are always better. Then again, my cousin met her fiance online three years ago and they’re getting married in June, so what do I know?:P
love it! I’m about to start online dating, and this is GREAT information. I am sharing this blog.
Reblogged this on misdiagnosisdotcom1.
As an experienced online dater myself, I have to say that your commandments ROCK. They should be sent to everyone who sets up an OkCupid or Match profile along with the “Welcome” email. Just one other observation I’ve picked up: If the guy has ONLY cell phone-mirror pictures on his profile, then he is probably a douchebag. (Not saying this is always true, but…more often than not, it is.) If they don’t have any photos taken with friends to put up, then chances are, they don’t have friends.
hahaha you are SO right about that! Self-mirror pictures are a TOTAL red-flag haha. Thanks for your comment!
yeah sure
Ah tahnks for this … could have used it for my article Dublin dating disasters … and yes Thou shalt be Thou is teh best advice ever,
haha thank you! More power to thou
and may the dating powers be with us
This is a really great post, I’ve never wanted to try online dating and I have to admit this makes me feel like I’m right not to…one FYI on the Craigslist case, though- that wasn’t a date, the girl was answering a nanny ad, which made more sense to meet at home…although it was an unfortunate lesson for all of us about answering any sort of ad and going somewhere private.
Thanks for your comment! I have no doubt that a craigslist-related killing like the one you described, did happen, but I was referring to the Craigslist Killer. He was a serial killer that would plan romantic encounters with women through the “casual encounters” section of Craigslist, and then murder them.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/craigslist-killer-phillip-markoff-commits-suicide/story?id=11405484
Ah, I get it now. I was talking about the 2007 murder in Minnesota. Either way, definitely not a good idea to meet people in non-public places.
agreed!!
Ive had my fair shar of crazy’s online…. I think my favorite was when I randomly asked “so tell me something about you I should know”… really just making conversation, and giving him all the chance in the world to lie to me and tell me something wonderful only to have him tell me that he’s on probation, living in his mother’s basement, and it wasn’t his fault, the girl lied to him and told him she was 18…. that block happened faster than fast.
I did meet my husband online though…. so it can be done!
hahaha wow, you really experienced both ends of the online dating spectrum then! I’m so happy to hear that you found your match
thanks for your comment!
Great commentary on dating in the Internet age. Thanks!
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it
This is phenomenal. Ironically enough as I prepare to meet someone I’m meeting from online – I’m going to be thinking now of all of these commandments. I haven’t dated on the Internet in a while so I’m feeling VERY out of my element. Thank you SO much for this post! =D
No problem! Thanks for your comment! Best of luck on your date– I’m sure it will be brilliant!
I agree with what was written here. I think that when I started online dating, I ignored a lot of it because I was already incredibly nervous about what to expect. Now that I’ve gone on a couple here and there, I’m a lot more sure of what I want, as well as of what to look out for. Thanks for posting
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m really glad that you enjoyed the post!
I have done a lot of online dating in my life and these are all so true! I once had to fake drink an aluminum bottle beer because my date took over an hour to finish one. It was complete misery but I didn’t have the heart to leave while he was mid-drink. I can only imagine how long a dinner would have lasted.
haha that sounds absolutely miserable! If they held you hostage for over an hour, they should have at least had the courtesy to treat you to a meal!!
Sound advice that I think everyone with any kind of social networking account needs to read. I’ve experienced the good and bad of online creepers, no serial killers though thank g-ness.
Thanks so much for your comment! And I’m glad to hear you haven’t had any close-encounters with serial killers! Let’s knock on wood for that one, shall we? LOL
I could totally follow all of these rules! But my husband says I’m not allowed to date. Now i’m sad.
haha, well if you have a husband, you’ve already won the dating game!
That’s so cool! I never win anything! What’s my prize? I’m hoping for a Starbucks gift card.
Excellent, entertaining and relevent post.
From ‘One with Experience’ in the on-line dating game you hit the nail right on the head. I must admit I did break a couple of commandments a couple times with one very nasty relationship as a result. (If you don’t think stalking someone long distance is possible, believe me, it is. I finally managed to conclude things when he was stupid enough to leave a threatening message on my answering machine and was then ‘surprised’ by a call from the authorities.)
I did eventually find the perfect guy. We will be married 10 years in September. Be smart and be safe.
I’m so happy to hear that you found your match!! Thank you for sharing your story!! xx
Thankfully, I have been out of the online dating pool for awhile, but I know many friends who still use it. These are really great rules to follow. With every point you wrote, I’m sure there’s a compelling story that brought you to that decision. Great post!
haha, true statement!! Thanks so much for your comment!! xx
This is so funny! I hope I never need your advice since I am very happily married! LOL!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
haha, for your sake I hope not as well. Thank you so much!!!! xx
I’m not into online dating, but this is some excellent advice. Thumbs!
Haha great advice to keep in mind
LOVE THE POST! ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!
Wow, I can’t wait to read more of your posts, you should compile a book on online dating, seriously!
LOVE IT!
Thanks!! I’m SO glad!
Reblogged this on Unexpected Destinations and commented:
I agree on all ten! Good advice especially about not being able to know someone through a computer screen. Thanks.
Ellen
Excellent commandments. Wish there were more people obeying them.
I think #7 (3) contradicts #1 (1) doesn’t it? Although in toto I think you’ve summed up online dating pretty well! I did it a lot over the years and even got some reasonable relationships out of it.
Somewhere around commandment 15, I would put “Assume she’s writing an article, book, or blog about dating and that your date will be in it.” This has happened to me TWICE.
haha, I suppose that would be a fair assumption then! You must make quite an impression on dates to have so many people flocking to the internet to blog about it haha. Provided that you follow the precautions outlined in #7 when executing your post-drink adventure as mentioned in #1 (i.e. only go someplace you know, drive yourself, tell a friend), I don’t see how they would contradict, but I understand that it is a lot to keep in mind- another reason to order the smallest drink possible haha. Thanks so much for your comment!
Both of them eventually got married and have kids now, so you know… whew. Dodged that bullet!
But seriously, seeing your date spelled out from the other person’s perspective… it’s a shocker. I was happy that I knew how to behave.
Reblogged this on rapacioushalf and commented:
This needs to be read by everyone who is considering online dating.
Oh wow, that’s funny.
You got me at the photo of nuns using a computer.
But I agree don’t we all need some stalker stories?
Reblogged this on inspiremewithwords and commented:
This is such an awesome post and the picture is just hilarious! If you date on-line or are curious about dating on-line than this is a MUST READ!
Your advice is smart, nd it shows the risks we take living in a digital age, such as easily offering up too much personal information. Liteally anyone can make online portfilios and dating profiles, and it is very true that many do not post clear photos. In many cases of photo alterations, innocents participatants of online dating feel they are being lied to. And even more dangerous, many may have a secret agenda. Your advicce for being able to duck out of certain situations is clever and very helpful to young online dating users as well as older users not as familiar with the tecnology. Your aticle was very important since so many people have profiles for online dating now.
i usully peopel have great idea from web cam and know know exacty what to expect as lots of chat doen on line before meeting,.so i jsut duuno what the big issue is,.bu then again i am irish,.
Nicely done. Have you started work on a dating bible? If so, are you going old testament (dating, plagues and smiting) or new (less smiting)?
Oh, I’m all for some smiting. hahaha
Excellent…
I hate to admit it but I’ve been on probably one too many online dates… Some of them were disasters! Let’s not go there! Why not talk to the person on the phone for 15 minutes as a qualifier? What if they end up having the most annoying voice in the world? I find that this is typically the best way to get a feel for if what you see on their profile matches up to what you are expecting!
Good article though!
I’m afraid I have no words, aside from ACE. Epic post, and a huge high five for making Freshly Pressed!
Thou art hilarious! Definitely something I can see reading in the likes of Cosmo!
Long, eventful day – perfect thing to come home to have a laugh over – thanks
Great advice here. It’s amazing how few people use common sense, especially when meeting people for the first date. Regardless of whether you met them online or at the local coffee shop.
If thou be a male, thou shall add three inches in height and thirty percent more hair. If thou be a female, three years off thy age and fifteen pounds off thy weight. Thou must keep it real (ish).
I think all the precautions are a great idea. I’d tell my daughter the same thing. Also, safety in numbers. Not exactly romantic but for the first get together, perhaps second, a friend or two nearby seems a good idea. Bruce.
I once had a roommate who chatted with a guy for 9 years, because he lived in Israel. They finally met and now live together in true love! There’s your online dating superstar story!
amen. online dating is gross.
Excellent advice. My sis-in-law met her husband online, but I know that’s a rarity. I talked to one guy who was really stupid and met someone in at a coffee shop and she and a friend robbed him at knife-point. EEEK. Good blog and very funny
I know these all too well, especially since I met my husband online. =) Great post!
You were freshly pressed! I’m so happy; I usually start following blogs after they’ve been freshly pressed; I always hoped that a blog I’ve follow since the beginning would be freshly pressed. Congratulations!!
Amen! Haha I’ve been in the online dating world for awhile – and all of these rules are in my personal online dating handbook!
Loved your post! Hilarious!
fun post! online dating can be tricky, and it’s nice to read about the pitfalls of it every once in awhile
Very good post. Really funny I think.
Love the Nuns picture at top and also the detailed rules! Cool stuff.
very funny lol- good work. entertaining.
Thanks for the advice! There are some things here I wouldn’t have thought of, but you’re right, it’s definitely better to be cautious than dead. Thanks for sharing!
PERFECT post. I agree with you on all counts!
Thank you, Moses of the online dating world, for your wonderful advice here. It’s great that you’re trying to steer us all away from dating a psychopathic serial killer in each of these commandments. I feel that many will find this post helpful as no one wants to date someone who’ll murder them and throw them in a deserted, smelly area.
This was hilarious but also on point! Some of it are commandments that women should follow for the first couple dates period whether it is from online dating or not.
I agree with your decalogue. Recently met someone whose only photo was from a strange angle. Learned very swiftly the “multiple photos” rule.
Some helpful info for the online daters out there!
Thank you for sharing and Congrats on becoming freshly pressed
Introvegirl
Reblogged this on Diegozpy and commented:
haha los diez mandamientos de una cita online
You can’t be too trusting; there are so many weirdos out there! Great tips!
I’d also add these as the most overused phrases in online profiles:
1. “Friends describe me as…”
2. “I love to laugh!”
awesome pick and really interesting……………
Nice post! I guess I’m one of the few lucky ones who get to meet the man of their dreams over the internet and end up getting married
Hilarious!
Commandment # 1 is the most important one for a guy. Anything more than coffee or a drink is risky and expensive. I know girls who line up a date every night just to the dinner and attention. Coffee and drinks if def a great pre-screen process.
Great stuff!
I too met and married online. Traveled from Sydney to West Sussex, UK to do it. Returned home 2.5 years later. Single, but without too many regrets. In the vernacular of my country – I had a go… Bottom line we were great as internet buddies, friends that visit each other occasionally & a bit of hot’n'heavy screen and Skype action. But nah, no go. RE. photos, too many indicates self-obsession. Too few – as in 1 measly photo – indicates poor self-image. As Tarzan said, “It’s a jungle out there.”
Wow…I can come up with near-miss examples of each of these. Thanks goodness I always went with “meeting in a public place” when I did online dating. There are some weirdos out there. I loved the one about photos. One time a guy sent me a website with tons of photos on it of people. I assumed he was the guy that was in 90% of the photos (must have just been his best friend). When I met him I thought it was a joke and felt totally duped. It’s funny to think about now.
LOVE THIS! Especially the first one, meet only for coffee/drinks. Agreed to dinner once and I wanted to leave after the first 15min but instead had to sit for an hour and act interested. Another thing I always note to not do, leave drink unattended by going to the bathroom or whatever. I watch too much Law and Order SVU/Criminal Minds.
Reblogged this on Twin Gemini and commented:
This is hilarious and true! Great post.
Nice one, Hal would approve
http://amzn.to/s9c6qU
‘The novel for the Facebook generation. An ambitious tour de force that should put Wales well and truly on the international crime thriller map. Believable characters and a gripping story. Can’t wait for a sequel to find out what happens to Hal. Love the ‘Alien’ tag line too, very contemporary and quite scary.’
- Mark Jones
I love love love this post!!!!!
Reblogged this on The World Inside My Head and commented:
This post is so true! You must read it!
always have problems with guys asking me for pics without wanting to give me any. and many of them have a habit of sending one pic with sunglasses and hats on! ugh i hate that! then they have the nerve to ask for more pics… but when they havent sent me any or start to ask for “revealing” pics, thats when i get outta there. total stranger danger! a lot of those guys arent even serious because they think you arent serious. the lucky girls are the ones that dont have to do online dating. so many fakes there that will waste your time.
OMG! These are so right on. I agree with each and every one of them. The one I love best is #2 about “computer chemistry.” I learned this the hard way. Once I swapped 100 e-mails with a guy, thought we had amazing chemistry, but never even got a damn date. I wrote about it on my blog: Sean: 100 E-mail Ma. http://www.lipstickandplaydates.com/
OMG yes, yes and yes… this is such an apept collection of experiences, there is no way you doing the online thing for a month girlfriend… LOL KUDOS to you though, love ya work!!!
i love it… my advice regarding online dating would be: DO NOT DO IT!
Nice read, I’ve got a ten commandments post and a few on internet dating so it’s nice to see someone’s combined them.
I’d add thou shant put all thy eggs into one basket and also thy should pretend to have tourettes
If an intelligent serial killer wants to get you, then he has the patience and intelligence to wait to kill you until much later in your relationship.
I seriously doubt all serial killers are creepy. Some are probably very charming people.
Well, if, as you seem to be saying, death to a serial killer is inevitable if you have the misfortune of being matched with one, then why make it easy on them?
Loved this, I am married, but I thought of my co-worker who has been using Match.com and I will send her the link to your blog. Congrats on FP!
Thanks so much for your comment, and for sharing my blog!! It was so exciting to get FP!!
xx
Brilliant article! The picture is hilarious for this article. Congratulations on being freshly pressed.
Very true – the one about not sensing chemistry is so true and vital. This is why it is important not to ‘fall’ until you actually meet someone as you never know if you will have that spark. I will follow up with a dating blog tomorrow actually and will be interested to hear your comments.
I am loving your brazen approach with authority and commandment; and then throwing the nuns in for the shock factor. One I would add; since I was one of the lucky ones that tried online dating once and married my match from http://www.imatchup.com because at the time it was free and the sites were not so plentiful would be…”thou shall not treat people or myself like a sack of meat on the meat market”
Reblogged this on 8BIT.
Pretty great list. I always make sure to tell a couple of people when and where I’m going to meet someone new, can’t be too safe. Also, your astute observation of the pen pal is something that’s happened before, and I’m always wary of guys who’d rather conduct the relationship via type or text. Thanks for the smile
Reblogged this on grimeandtreason and commented:
This is some sound common sense safety advice, but I expected it to address more of the etiquette of online dating. Well then, I just have to do it myself…soonish…
Great post! I’ve done the online dating thing and lots of funny stories to share. My last attempt at online dating resulted in meeting a great guy I’ve been seeing exclusively for ten months now. The first time I actually rode in his car, he asked me if I was nervous to be in his vehicle, I answered flatly ” of course not, I have a gun in my purse”. It was love from then on …….!!!!
This was brilliant. I love your style!
Brilliant! Just followed…
Thanks for the following
Let me tell you
I was once a serial online dater
I have new dates every week…
Sometimes 2 in one day
haha more power to you! It’s fun to play the field but idk how you keep up the momentum! I find serial dating rather exhausting lol
That was long time ago
Not dating right now and not looking
He will come my way soon
I hope
Best, Jenny
Great post! I’ve had my share of online dating experiences myself which I could devote an entire blog about. I met my current boyfriend through online dating and its lasted ten months so far and still going strong. We laugh about the first time I rode in his car. He asked me if I were nervous to be riding with him, I answered “no, not at all…..I have a gun in my purse”. Ladies, take care of yourselves out there!!!!
Just found your blog and I am in LOVE with this post ……. as a “success story” for finding the love of my life (last week, Husband and I celebrated our 5th anniversary) online, these tips (ahem, commandments) are right on point. Great advice for anyone – virtual or not! I put my brother-in-law on eHarmony several months ago and the poor guy hasn’t had any luck. The matches are acting so rude and seem to be superficial and only interested in his wallet.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed too!!!
xo,
Nicole
I’m happily married to someone I met in real life, not the computer, yet I got a kick out of this article. Your points are excellent. I especially like the one about chemistry because that’s one of the major reasons I wasn’t a fan of online dating when I was still single. One of the few times I tried, I met this amazing guy. He looked so cute from his picture and we talked beautifully for hours. But when we met in person, although cute, he reminded me so much of someone I disliked, I couldn’t get past that. I had to leave mid-date even though the guy was great. He said to me, “It’s your loss.” And at the time he was prorbably right. I hope he met someone cool and is now happy. I felt so bad for hurting him. Maybe nowadays with Skype and all, online daters will have more of a chance of getting the chemistry right — however, if I was still single, I’d still be skeptical.
Reblogged this on lostintextlation and commented:
Solid advice.
I love this, sound advice in an entertaining form (so one keeps on reading).
)
My favourite is No. 2 ! Have been there many times
Hilarious! And so TRUE.
Fav line: “Here’s the thing about cars…they have locks, and trunks.” Preach it, sista!
Amusing. If tha’rt interested in fixing thy grammar, here be my suggestions.
1. Thou shalt not ever meet for the first time for more than coffee/drinks (i.e. something that thou couldst potentially get out of ASAP if thy date art a total creeper).
2. Thou canst not feel chemistry through a computer screen.
3. Thou shalt be wary of matches with only one picture, or with pictures where thou art unable to definitively identify him.
4. Thou shalt “block” liberally.
5. Thou shalt not give away personal contact information.
6. Thou shalt provide thine own transportation to and from the date.
7. Thou shalt take reasonable precautions to avoid dating a serial killer.
8. Thou shalt not disclose TMI prior to meeting.
9. Thou shalt know for what thou art looking.
10. Thou shalt be thyself!
Oops. “if thy date is a total creeper”. I knew I missed something.
Hee Hee. Boy am I glad I am out of the dating loop!!! I would be the one dating a serial Killer!
Totally enjoyed your list; and it’s a great, spot-on list. Thank heavens I don’t have to do the online dating thing. Truth be told, I rather not date if I had to. I did it once, way back when, and it was, let’s say . . . interesting, and leave it at that.
Never again!
val
valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
All sound advice, but I really have to say that I’m glad I’m married and don’t have to worry about dating anymore. It really was a PIA…
Very well written with great pointers. Hope it will be helpful to many people out there.
this is great!
Another great blog. I’m too long in the tooth these days tho never too old, I know.
I have wisdom these days, gained from lessons learned and past heart scars to prove it. Take care. Old Git Jimbo x
What an absolutely incredible post! Great incitement given here. The majority of commandments you’ve listed can be applied to the opposite sex (males). This made for quite an amusing read as well.
Keep it up!
Nice, short and to the point! I will also add to the list.. Thou shalt not circulate generic messages! I hate them almost as much as Pap Smears!
I am so tired of prejudice against serial killers! I mean, just because we murder most people doesn’t mean we’ll murder you. We’ll do it any way though. We’re kooky that way.
Have been quite lucky with online – dating … know quite a few that has met over internet and very happily married. There is also loads of weird people of both sexes out there. Can never be careful enough. Great post and funny, with lot of sense in. Brilliant!
This is hilarious!! Funniest blog I have read in ages. And great advice. Fab. x
Bottom line, be careful, my child. If you can’t be careful, don’t do it…
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