Contrary to popular belief, the best way to get over one boy is not to get under another one. Rebounding post-break-up is essentially equivalent to taking a handful of Prozac. It may help to make you feel better initially, but it’s a temporary fix at best. Rebounding is a form of procrastination. It’s a distraction that allows you to put off dealing with your feelings about the initial break-up. I could hardly count myself a member of the ADD Generation if I took issue with procrastination; however the problem comes when this rebound-relationship inevitably falls apart and you’re forced to deal with the demise of two relationships at once. The sooner that you stop and evaluate your past relationships to determine what has worked and what hasn’t, the sooner you can begin to draw conclusions about what you are looking for. Knowledge is power, and knowing what you want out of a relationship gives you the power to refuse to settle for anything less.
It’s also possible that you may find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum: dating someone on the rebound (i.e. you’re someone else’s rebound). If the relationship seems to get serious almost immediately, you may be their rebound. A person rebounds in order to fill the void left behind by their ex, which is why they will often start your relationship on the level that their previous one left off at. Texting 24-7 after only one date? Madly in love after less than a week? Enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t last long. These relationships are hot, heavy, and doomed from the get-go. He is not “the one,” he is filling a vacancy and you are likely too love-drunk to realize it. In order to avoid finding yourself in this sort of situation, I have a rule of thumb that I abide by:
For men, allow one week for every month that they were in a relationship.
For instance, if a guy dated someone for 6 months, they’ll need at least a month and a half to spend acting like a frat boy on Spring Break before they’re ready to start looking for anything real. A girl’s rebound period is not so easily calculated, however there are signs.
A girl is likely not over her ex if:
- Every compliment to you is an insult to her ex (for example: That is SO sweet that you brought me flowers! My ex never used to do anything like this for me. You are so thoughtful! It’s so nice to finally be dating someone who isn’t a totally self-obsessed jerk!) There is a fine line between love and hate, and you do not want to be playing border control. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
- She cries every time she drinks
- She plans your dates based on where you’re most likely to be seen/not seen by her ex or her ex’s friends
- She tries to plaster you all over her Facebook wall by taking awkwardly posed pictures while on dates, posting questions on your wall that warrant a response, “checking in” literally everywhere you go, and tweeting love song lyrics that couldn’t possibly be about you, because you’ve only known her like two weeks….right?
- She is totally up-to-date with her ex’s life: he may have taken a job in a foreign country and moved twice since they broke-up, but he never fell off of her radar. She knows exactly who he is dating now, whether or not his new girlfriend’s boobs are real, and what their latest fight was about.
- She has idealized her ex and believes he can do no wrong. She likely blames the split on herself- she moved away, could never master Mandarin Chinese, was allergic to his dogs, etc. and constantly regales you of tales of her relationship past.
- She’s basically BFFLs with her ex. When you two get in a fight, she runs to him. Seriously, bro? Game over.
- She calls you by his name. RED ALERT!
Having said that, if you decide nonetheless, that you really want some distraction in the form of tall, dark and handsome, make sure that you don’t waste anyone with actual relationship potential by using them as a rebound. “Waste not, want not” also applies to men.
xx,
K.
Love the post! Really got me thinking! haha
thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoyed it!
xx
Oh honey. It isn’t just you fine younger ladies that do this and need to read your advice. Men and women divorcing are notorious for this. I’m a pretty smart girl and I feel into this same trap myself when I briefly separated from my hubby. I like your posts. Keep em coming.
thanks so much! I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog
more posts to come ASAP!! xx
I once dated a girl with HSV. She told me very soon. If she hadn’t and something had deolevped, I would have been angry; it is hard to anger me. It would not have been pretty.
Here are some ideas.Your first attention should be focusing on that what kind of companion your guy is into. Because your fun, intelligence, and sense for exciting will make a major role in this. Share different activities with your guy, let him feel free to behave around you in the way he wants, otherwise he may feel unpleasant with you. Thatâs very healthy for building you relationship. Make up few jokes, laugh with him, and show him your sense of humor. He will love it, believe me. Guys do love good sex, but also healthy appearance and trust in the relationship. Remember that. Do not allow yourself to ruin a good opportunity to do something that is important for you. Many girls magazines gives so much useless advice about guys. It’s often difficult for a girl to know exactly what guys like.These were few tips in one huge subject and a big mystery in general – what is that guys like. One day maybe that secret whole will be discovered, and come out from the shadows of the unknown. But until then, youâll have to learn from these advices, and walk step by step towards the secret of what guys want. I hope I helped you with this, you seems like a lovely girl Good luck!
Awesome girl!!
thank you!! xx
Good, thought provoking posts. Love them.
thank you so much!! I enjoy your blog as well
Nice!!!
thank you!! So glad that you enjoyed it
I would actually love to be in an actual relationship that would want me to do the rebound thing should it collapse – as it is, nothing lasts longer than a month!!
Time to quite I think
Good post chickpea!
Thank you!!
xxxx
I wish I had of found you 10 years ago ;D Great advice as always x
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad that you’re enjoying the blog!
xxxx
“She cries every time she drinks” – yup. Simple, yet powerfully effective sign that things are generally NOT okay. Girls are nuts.
Reblogged this on Single & Existing and commented:
lol. most relationships start while ending a bad relationship..thus resulting in an even worse situation. in most cases..LOVE
“There is a fine line between love and hate, and you do not want to be playing border control” Perfect-Wiser words have never been spoken. It seems so obvious after the fact doesn’t it? Have enjoyed reading these.
I’ve been using the one week per month rule for a long time; it’s a good estimate for men AND women, especially under-25s. But usually all those relationships are just rebounds from the Original Breakup… that is, that original man who hurt her in some way, usually her father.
Whoa. Gettin’ all therapeutic up in this blog.
Haha brilliant. Have you ever seen any of JennaMarbles’ vlogs? Check out her YouTube channel – what you write really reminds me of her!