With technology becoming an increasingly integral part of our everyday lives, sometimes it can be difficult to know where to draw then line when posting on Facebook. However, some people go so far past the line, that it’s more like a dot to them. I have taken the liberty of outlining some Facebook Faux Pas that will undoubtedly get you defriended.
- The sympathy seeker: “Cannot believe that just happened. Could this day get ANY worse!?”: Bold move, tempting fate like that. Because as it turns out, a sure fire way to make even the worst day worse is to blatantly attempt to elicit sympathy on Facebook only to receive no likes or comments, and to be de-friended by a handful of people who are fed-up with your sympathy-seeking antics. And although, after scrolling through your friends list, you still can’t figure out who any of those abandoners were, you feel personally offended. However, no matter how offended you may be, FIGHT THE URGE to commit this next Facebook faux pas…
- The oddly specific letter to no one in particular: “Dear people who apparently think that it’s okay to de-friend someone just because they are having a TERRIBLE day…” Interesting tactic, writing a letter visible to literally everyone on the internet EXCEPT the people that you are actually addressing.
- The personal letter to an inanimate object: “Dear 8 a.m. bus, why are you always late?” or “Dear gross and completely unpredictable weather, please let me know next time you plan on starting to downpour on my way to class. Sincerely, pissed off soaking wet girl.” Points for being melodramatic, but fair warning: putting “Dear…” at the beginning of a complaint, doesn’t change the fact that it’s a complaint. And no one likes a whiner.
- The uncomfortably specific letter to an anonymous recipient: “Just because your ex cheated on you with your sister, mother, the majority of your sorority and your sexually-confused second cousin doesn’t give you the right to seek revenge on couples that are actually happy. Leave my boyfriend alone, skank!” Gee, I wonder who you could possibly be referring to…the irony is that most of the time that person isn’t even their Facebook friend, or is blocked from seeing the status. The wonders of passive aggression never cease to amaze me.
- Sub-category of the above category: The Hypocrite: “When I have a problem with somebody I have the balls to say it to their face, unlike some people who apparently prefer to just talk behind my back.” Oh my, I think I’m dying: The irony, the hypocrisy…really, you’ve outdone yourself…it’s too much.
- The painfully awkward and obvious statuses: “That awkward moment when your crush doesn’t respond to any of your messages, but updates his status.” Oh girl, if you think that’s bad, try that awkward moment when thousands of your Facebook friends read your pitiful status and realize how needy and pathetic you are. Perpetually single, FTW!
- Public Service Announcement regarding TMI in Facebook statuses: This is just a friendly reminder that Facebook is not your diary. Keep your sexcapades, personal problems, medical symptoms and ailments, and any other cringe-worthy info. off of my mini-feed. K, thanks.
- The Preacher: You can always count on this holier-than-thou friend to post links to sob-stories, and quotes that make you feel guilty for being alive. Luckily, you can almost always find a cute kitten Youtube clip elsewhere on your mini-feed to cheer you up.
- We get it…you’re dating: “Seriously have the best boyfriend in the world! He is making me dinner while I get to be lazy on the couch five whole feet away!” Technology is cool and all, but believe it or not there is a more efficient method of communicating a personal message to someone five feet away from you. It’s called “talking,” pretend you’re a caveman and give it a whirl.
- Wedding bells can make Facebook hell: Oh, the perpetual countdown to the wedding day. “Only 172 days until 2 hearts become one!! I love you Jeff- you complete me and I can’t wait to start our life together!! xoxoxox”…. “171 days until I marry the love of my life!!!!”…but it doesn’t stop there. There are also all of the pre-wedding drama posts: “OMG are there any wedding bands out there that don’t SUCK!? Seriously considering just plugging in my nano LOLZ jk omg so tacky. Ew.”
- Bad grammar makes my eyes hurt: Who are these people? They’re people that use terrible grammar in their Facebook statuses. If you’re one of them, please consult your dictionary before posting on there again. See, that wasn’t so hard.
- Self-shot mirror pictures (Oh, the horror!): Facebook is a social network; if every picture of you is taken alone in a bathroom, you probably don’t belong on that site.
If you got a kick out of these, you should totally check out Failbook.com, they have loads of them and they are all hilarious!
Rainbows and unicorns until next time.