At approximately 4 p.m. on Halloween day I made the worst decision that anyone can make at 4 p.m. on Halloween day: I went to Party City. I spent the next 45 minutes grabbing on to long grey wigs and Freddy masks to avoid being swept away by the crowds of crazed shoppers, all desperate to create a novel costume from the pittance of odds and ends littering the baron aisles of the store. I saw two year olds and twenty year olds in tug-of-wars over the same one-size-fits-all fairy costumes. It made me wonder…why?
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Are You a Stage 5 Clinger?
For those of you who haven’t seen Wedding Crashers, a stage 5 clinger is a member of the opposite sex who becomes exceedingly attached to someone in an unreasonably short period of time. You know the type: they want to be in constant contact, they text you “just because” every 5-7 minutes, they start planning the wedding […]
Rebound or Foul Shot?
Contrary to popular belief, the best way to get over one boy is not to get under another one. Rebounding post-break-up is essentially equivalent to taking a handful of Prozac. It may help to make you feel better initially, but it’s a temporary fix at best. Rebounding is a form of procrastination. It’s a distraction that […]
The Ex Factor
This isn’t Hollywood where all decisions to break-up are “mutual” and every separation is “amicable.” This is the digital age, and break-ups are a bitch. A break-up is like the checkered-flag at a NASCAR race that cues the start of an unacknowledged race to be the most “over it.” How is the winner determined? Well, typically […]
Exposé of America’s Dating Sites: The Sick, the Twisted, and the Random
The Morally Questionable Oww, my conscience hurts! Marrymesugardaddy.com: Only a true gold-digger would find a way to make a profit off of gold-digging. The women on this site consist of gorgeous 20-something girls whose ample bosoms appear to compensate for their complete lack of morals. Anastasiadate.com: Ever wish finding a significant other was as easy […]
The 10 Commandments of Online Dating
Follow these commandments or I shall smite you. Totally kidding, I hardly ever smite anyone. 1. Thou shalt not ever meet for the first time for more than coffee/drinks (i.e. something that thou could potentially get out of ASAP if thou’s date beith a total creeper). When your potential match.com boyfriend asks you what you want […]
Why I Broke-up with OKCupid
Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for this awesome picture. It was posted online by a very talented 12 year-old. So, girlsdrool99, whoever you are, I thank you. I have found there to be two main criteria that must be met before considering someone a dating prospect: the first is chemistry and the second is compatibility. […]
Virgins Don’t Have Sex Swings
It is no secret that virginal women are appealing to men. I think secretly all men wish to be the one that introduces you to the world of sex and teaches you everything you know. The adult entertainment industry has capitalized on this lust for innocence by popularizing school girl outfits, pig tails, and pom-poms […]
Online Dating: The Male Demographic
My extensive online-dating research (i.e. my continual failure to find anyone with boyfriend-potential online) has lead me to reach some interesting conclusions regarding the type of men that you will be most likely to find on these sites. Let’s break it down, shall we? The “Psych!”: As in, “based on my pictures you thought I was […]
Ode to Monday
At 6 a.m. it begins with an incessant beep-beep-beep I fumble clumsily for the alarm, eyes still closed because I didn’t get enough sleep I could have gone to bed early; I always say that I will But as the final moments of my weekend slip away, I desperately cling to the thrill How […]
