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I’m a funny, free-thinking girl who loves philosophy, disco dancing to 70′s music, going on spontaneous adventures, and living life to the fullest. I love dogs and have an inexplicable affection for elephants. I know who I am and I know what I want out of life.

GUEST BLOG: The Male Perspective on Why He Hasn’t Called

It’s a story as old as time…you meet a great guy, have a “perfect” first date, and then you never hear from him again. Some girls spend weeks waiting by the phone and agonizing over what possibly could have caused him to forget their 90 minutes of awesomeness. I however, simply don’t have that sort of time. So I decided that the most efficient way to dust off this cold-case file and crack this age-old mystery would be to go straight to the source of confusion and mercillessly grill a man for answers. My friend Christian, author of the Keys to Attraction Blog series, offered to martyr himself for this cause, and contributed the article below.

Why hello there faithful SINS readers. My name is Big C and I am the writer responsible for the “Keys to Attraction” blog series. I am honored to bring you a little insight today on what is going through a guys mind after a seemingly “perfect” first date. So let’s break down the Top 10 thoughts of what us males are thinking and the reasons behind it.

1.You Look NOTHING Like Your Online Dating Profile

Fellas, if the girl has some funky ass “myspace” angle in her profile picture or if it’s dated: turn and run. There is usually a very real reason why the picture is from different angles, dated or overloaded with silly photo effects. Not trying to be mean here but if you’re guilty of the “myspace” pose, that’s false advertising. And guys, don’t think you’re getting off scot free on this, I’ve seen my fair share of guys posing from different angles, or taken in the mirror. You look stupid fellas, show your personality not your biceps. Either way, for both sexes, look at it like this – If we were standing in line somewhere, let’s say at a store, and we made eye-contact and you didn’t find yourself sexually attracted to me, would you be inclined to start a conversation with me and give me your number at the end of our chat? Odds are on probably not. So if you opt for the online dating option, make sure you update your profile picture and that it looks like you!

2.Blah Blah Blah

Cell phones and females go hand in hand. But if you’re out on a first date, set your phone on vibrate. There is NOTHING more annoying than being in the middle of dinner and your phone goes off…followed by you answering it and talking to your girlfriend about meaningless shit that can wait. We understand if there is an urgent family matter to attend to or something of that nature, but for the sake of the first date, your girlfriends can wait. We like the attention that being out with you gives us and it generally pisses us off and leads to observing you in a different light if you are on the phone constantly during the date. Guys don’t like playing second fiddle to an IPhone, we are very much like females in that respect. So set your phone on silent or vibrate and FOCUS!

3.”Am I Paying For Dinner Or Your Services?”

Ladies, us guys understand that you’re blessed with certain “assets” that us males are not. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate the eye-candy, but if we are looking for a potential relationship with you, there is nothing that will make me high-tail it outta there faster than if you show up with those “assets” hanging out on full display and you are blatantly checking out other guys in the venue. I realize I have probably broken Man-Law here by telling you lovely ladies to cover up, especially on the first date, but we want respectable girls, not the ones that are looked at as “red-light” quality. Now we aren’t asking that you show up in a hoodie and covered up like you’re in the arctic. There ARE other options that you can rock without looking like you should be swinging off of a pole. Think about it girls, would you like to meet a guy for the first date and he shows up in a shirt unbuttoned to his bare stomach and seemingly painted on pants? Doesn’t seem too classy does it?

4. The Lion King Soundtrack Theory

If we are out for dinner and it looks like you’re humming the words of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in your head, I’m looking for ANY excuse to end that date IMMEDIATELY. I’ve said this numerous times in the past, I KNOW I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I do realize that some women out there find me good-looking or borderline Fabio-eqse (minus the gloriously epic flowing mane and accent), but if we are in conversation and I notice your eyes glaze over and you “fall into a trance” looking at me, that just fires up red flag rockets left right and centre. Yes, it’s nice to feel attractive, but if you’re already imagining a life together after the first date; don’t expect a phone call.

5. Did You Just…

We realize that ladies try their hardest to act like ladies all the time. But nothing kills the first date mood than “accidently letting one go” that is audible enough to echo in the Grand Canyon. This should obviously go without saying and we realize that accidents do happen. But if possible, please try and excuse yourself from our conversation and do your business somewhere else. Guys, this goes for you too… You may laugh at this…but I’ve actually had this happen to me during a first date.

6. I’m Feeling It

Guys are not mind readers. When we go out on a first date with a girl, we are nervous. We may fake it and act all cool about it, but deep down we feel like we are on egg-shells. “Does she like me?”, “Did I say something stupid?”, and “What is she thinking?”  bombards our thought process constantly like the little devil sitting on our shoulder. During the course of the date we try and read the girl’s body language and facial expressions to try and gauge if the date is going well or if we’re going to get shot down in a blaze of glory trying to ask her out for date number 2. If we are not getting any obvious signs that you’re interested, we probably won’t call you. Guys hate/fear rejection just like girls do. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of girls call me a couple days after our date and just verbally BLAST me because I neglected to call them, and they felt that I was “leading them on”. Well to those girls as well as the ones reading right now; if you are interested in the guy, show it. We don’t know what you’re thinking when you’re out with us, so let us know!

7. I’m Not Feeling It

I really can’t break this one down any further. I am sure this goes both-ways without saying. If I am “not feeling it”, I will not lead you on, and you will know that it just isn’t happening for me. I would only hope that you have the same courtesy to do that to me instead of leading me on.

8. Red-Flags

I’m writing this post from the “guy looking for a relationship” perspective. If I was writing this from the perspective of guys just looking for a “one night stand” this point would be drastically different as we wouldn’t be AS picky. During the course of the date, us guys are trying to pin-point certain traits or aspects we find unattractive, or the aforementioned “red-flag.” Statistically, it is a scientific fact that most people exaggerate on the first date to make themselves look more impressive to the other person. Don’t know why we do this, it just happens. But by carefully asking specifically worded questions during the course of normal conversation, you can easily decipher if something isn’t adding up. So if the “red-flag” flies like it’s at a football game, it’s time to move on. Which leads me to point number 9 as it is one of the most common “bullshit” lines you’ll hear during the first date.

9. The 3rd Element

Again, I’m going to be breaking “Man-Law” on this one, but it is a general rule of thumb (sometimes), that if a girl tells you how many men she’s been with, you multiply it by 3. Yes, I realize that there might be multiple different break downs of the formula or other numbers to multiply her number by, but always remember you can’t go wrong with 3. Why am I telling you this? Because when I am looking for a relationship with a girl, I don’t want to know how many men you slept with (even though I do). Does this make sense to you ladies? If not, then my work here is done.

And Finally… The Most Controversial Of Them All….

10. There Was a Game on TV and We Forgot

To all the women who are wondering why a guy never called them back, I have just one piece of advice: FORGET ABOUT IT. There is a reason (be it good/bad or otherwise) why the guy didn’t call you back. Maybe he didn’t like you, maybe he did like you and is too shy to call you back, and maybe he lost his cell phone that had your number in it. Whatever the reason; he isn’t calling you back. Get over it and move on. There are WAY too many proverbial fish in the sea to get all worried and bent out of shape because a guy didn’t call you back. I can’t even begin to count how many women in my life haven’t called me back. It’s just the name of the dating game and the nature of the beast. Cry yourself a river then build a bridge and get over it.

Until Next Time…

Yours In Attraction

-Big C-

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32 Comments on “GUEST BLOG: The Male Perspective on Why He Hasn’t Called”

  1. pharphelonus March 23, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    I’m not in the dating game, but will add this thought: people, men or women, who don’t have the decency to answer, or return, a followup phone call should all have a string of dates who fart, talk of the phone about mindless shit with friends, order the most expensive thing on their ncikel, make goo-goo eyes at someone else and then pee next to the car before driving them home. Decency is not hard. Be decent all the time. Period.

    • sorryiamnotsorry March 23, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

      hahaha I couldn’t agree more! It does create an interesting paradox though. Just out of curiosity, in your opinion is it more decent to simply not call a girl that you have no interest in, or to call her solely for the purpose of telling her that you have no interest in her?

      • pharphelonus March 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

        I’m not sure. Awkward phone call to make, not unlike the one on that commercial where the girl calls the guy to tell him she’s giving him the silent treatment. I guess I would hope that she would know based on body language or attention, but then I realize that there are plenty of guys that would still hope to bury their bone in her front yard, even if they had no intention of ever calling again.

      • sorryiamnotsorry March 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

        haha, so true!!

    • YYChristian March 23, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

      hahaha well said!

    • stacy February 14, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

      @pharphelonus- BRAVO!

      • papabearshw February 14, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

        Sadly, cowardice is rampant among people, and decency is not.

  2. xoxo bb March 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    So true, thanks Christian!

    • YYChristian March 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm #

      No problem! Thank you liked it 🙂

      • YYChristian March 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

        wow…. that made no fuckin sense at all. haha Lets try Round 2.

        No Problem! Thank You! Glad You Liked It 😀

  3. YYChristian March 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm #

    Reblogged this on Keys To Attraction and commented:
    This was the guest blog I wrote today for the super talent and gorgeous K at the SorryIamNotSorry blog. Check her the Ef out!

  4. DeMorrieaux April 10, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    So on point!
    At the end of the day, it really is about being 1. real, and 2. decent.
    Whether it is followed by a phone call or not is minor.
    (Wo)man will never be liked/wanted by all. That’s life for you.

    LOL @ “Yours in Attraction”
    classic! 🙂

    • YYChristian April 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Thank you!

  5. The Hook April 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

    Unfortunately, people – not just the female of the species – cannot let things go!
    It’s human nature, baby! We just can’t let go of the past…

  6. Single & Existing April 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    Reblogged this on Single & Existing and commented:
    constant inspiration

    • YYChristian April 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Glad you liked it 🙂

  7. ernestwhile April 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

    I respectfully disagree with #9. The number of partners someone has had doesn’t worry me in the least… as long as medical and emotional stability can be figured out before we get horizontal.

    I think things would go a lot easier in life if we could just all agree to be kind to one another. That includes ALWAYS making contact after a first date. A gentleman does this. All you have to say is “Thank you for taking the time to meet me and get to know me a little.” And if someone says that to you, take note of what isn’t there (i.e. “We should do it again soon!”) and gracefully move along.

  8. Walton Mcnaughton April 11, 2012 at 12:24 am #

    Thanx for a very informative site. What else could I get that type of information written in such an ideal manner? I’ve a mission that I’m simply now running on, and I’ve been on the look out for such info.

  9. maryfollowsthelamb April 11, 2012 at 10:10 am #

    Good information, great advice.

    About the 3 factor?
    Sometimes people do tell the truth.

  10. everwill12 April 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

    Why does this not happen to me? They always call! (even when I don’t want them to) .. Maybe it’s because I’m older and the men are more desperate.

  11. preciousbydesign April 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

    Based on #9, you’re basically telling me I should divide my real number of sexual partners by 3 when a new boyfriend asks…because stupid me, I’ve always been honest about it. I would be curious to know what number we girls should be multipying guys’ alleged number by… 😛

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm #

      when it comes to numbers, I subscribe to the philosophy don’t ask, don’t tell haha. I mean even if you’ve only been with one man, that’s one man your new boyfriend is now going to visualize giving it to you like a dog in heat. But I would be interested to see what Big C, who authored this post has to say on the matter. As for men, I have heard that you multiply their number by 3, and then add the number of times that they blinked when asked to that sum haha 😉 thanks for commenting!! xx

      • preciousbydesign April 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

        Haha, anytime! I actually wanted to tell you that I absolutely loved your ‘Ten Commandments of Online Dating’ post, but at the time, I was too exhausted to manage a comment that didn’t echo every other comment – so I settled for ‘liking’ the post 😀 Love your cynical, dry humor!

        Ahem…I am also very interested to see what Big C has to say about my comment on this post 😛

      • sorryiamnotsorry April 12, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

        haha thank you so much! I’m really glad that you are enjoying the blog and that you share my sense of humor 🙂 xx!!

  12. Bruce April 14, 2012 at 8:34 am #

    A brave man indeed and a pretty good effort from the male perspective. I don’t agree with all points but we are all different. No. 5 though is amazingly brave, though It’s good to know that the guy is not always the offender. Your words “you may laugh at this” were right. All I could think of after reading No.5 was the scene from the movie “White Chicks”. Bruce

  13. Anonymous March 31, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    as soon as this guy tried to call himself “big c” i knew this article would be entertainingly bad…

  14. Perry April 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

    What a data of un-ambiguity and preserveness
    of valuable familiarity on the topic of unpredicted feelings.

  15. Bexi August 7, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

    Re: Don’t gaze into our eyes point: You should be flattered- that’s nice and the highest compliment a girl can give.

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. You Have Male « Keys To Attraction - May 4, 2012

    […] nail right on the head there however it goes 2 ways.  If you reflect back to my Guest Post on SINS The Male Perspective and scroll down to number 3 “Am I paying for dinner or your services”, you’ll […]

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