About the Post

Author Information

I’m a funny, free-thinking girl who loves philosophy, disco dancing to 70′s music, going on spontaneous adventures, and living life to the fullest. I love dogs and have an inexplicable affection for elephants. I know who I am and I know what I want out of life.

The Ex Factor

This isn’t Hollywood where all decisions to break-up are “mutual” and every separation is “amicable.” This is the digital age, and break-ups are a bitch. A break-up is like the checkered-flag at a NASCAR race that cues the start of an unacknowledged race to be the most “over it.” How is the winner determined? Well, typically the victor is either the first person to achieve the coveted “in a relationship” status on Facebook , or the first person to be propositioned by the other and rebuff it. However, often these competitions become somewhat like the Hunger Games, where it’s a ruthless fight to the death and only one person can survive. There are a number of commonly used tactics which nearly any spurned ex-lover has as ammo in their arsenal:

  • The “accidental dial”: Your ex somehow manages to call your number totally without meaning to while hooking up with some chick who is too drunk to notice that he is playing with his phone while they’re getting it on…what ARE the odds?

  • The OMG look how many guys/girls want to do me!!!” Photos: After the crying has stopped and the waterproof mascara has taken hold, it’s time to go out, get hammered and show the world how totally okay you are. Since only a small segment of the population will actually see you out getting sloppy drunk and dancing like a stripper, it’s often necessary to go the extra mile and document the entire experience. The 46 photos of you drunkenly clinging to every guy that didn’t shove you off as well as a handful of self-taken photos which feature approximately 10% face and 90% boobs will then be uploaded to Facebook in albums entitled “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!!” “BEST NIGHT EVERRRRR” and/or “Girls just wanna have fun!” How will your ex respond? Likely by doing exactly the same thing. He’s been locked down in a relationship for too long. It’s time to go out with the boys and do all the things he’s been missing out on (and of course, document the entire experience). Cue pictures of him clinging to a bottle of Greygoose while surrounded by morally questionable women, smoking cigars, and taking tequila shots out of a barely-legal girl’s navel. Check-mate.

  • Mind Games: You know that girl that you always had a bad feeling about? The one that your ex swore he was just friends with but agreed to stop talking to nonetheless? Well, that bitch is back, and she’s ALL up on his Twitter. Don’t sweat it though, because this is about the time that you will decide to publicly re-initiate contact with your long-lost ex’s and guy friends. It doesn’t matter that half of your guy friends are gay: what he doesn’t know…might still hurt him. Game, serve, match.
  • Rumor has it: After a break-up it can be healthy to discuss the relationship with your close friends to get a better idea of what you will do differently in the future, however it is NOT healthy to start bad-mouthing your ex to anyone and everyone who will listen. I have found that post-break-up, people often develop a sort of compulsion to demonize their ex to the general public. Don’t be the girl telling people that you barely know about your ex’s..ahem…shortcomings. So déclassé. It is not your job to render your ex undateable. If he is really as bad as you say he is, he will take care of that all on his own. When you go off on a tangent about your “crazy” ex, all anyone is going to hear is “HOT MESS: EXPLOSIVE: HANDLE WITH EXTREME CAUTION.” Anyone can call someone else crazy. It’s much more impressive to actually be sane.
  • Out for blood: These are revenge-seeking tactics which are generally reserved for only the most atrocious of betrayals. Some of the most commonly implemented ones involve hacking into every account of your ex’s that you have access to: selling their WoW swords on ebay, unregistering them from next semester’s classes, signing them up for a ton of junk e-mail from sites selling penile implants and male enhancement drugs/weight-loss supplements, etc.

These silly games are largely self-destructive and make a break-up even more painful than it has to be. The person who wins post-break-up is the one who is happy and feels confident that ending the relationship was ultimately the right decision (regardless of who made it initially). People say that happiness is the best revenge, but in my mind that’s like saying that unicorns are great for stabbing people. Happiness is a beautiful thing, not a weapon. If you are going through a break-up, your focus needs to be on finding yourself and your happiness as an individual. If your ex wants to play games, let them. At the end of the day, they will be hung-over, and you will be taking proactive steps towards a better life for yourself.

xx,

K.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

66 Comments on “The Ex Factor”

  1. zooeyibz April 13, 2012 at 10:23 am #

    “Happiness is a beautiful thing, not a weapon.” Beautiful sentiment, elegantly put!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 13, 2012 at 11:00 am #

      Thank you so much! I’m really glad that you enjoyed the post! xx

  2. crying in the bathroom April 13, 2012 at 10:28 am #

    If I had a dollar for every ‘girls just wanna have fun’ album uploaded to my friends Facebook accounts, I’d have enough money to hire someone to kick Mark Zuckerberg in the nuts.

    Another point to add to the list would be going out and getting drunk to the point where all you can do is sit on the floor of the bathroom, bawling and occasionally vomiting while your closest friends hold your hair back and coo soothing words to you. Not that I’d know from experience. But it does tie in nicely with the name of my blog.

    Great post!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am #

      hahaha I love it! So glad that you enjoyed the post! Your blog is awesome!! I will def be keeping up with it 🙂 xx

  3. neenergyobserver April 13, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    Very well said. Sometimes it good to be old, how I do NOT miss the old days of breaking up and making up.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 13, 2012 at 11:02 am #

      haha I don’t blame you! Congratulations on winning the dating game, and I’m so happy that you enjoyed the post! xx

      • neenergyobserver April 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm #

        Ah, haven’t exactly won, unless you count being somewhat content single but, I did give up on that part of the game. If it doesn’t work out so be it, I no longer need to make either her, or my, life miserable.

        I enjoy your writing quite a lot, and you write on subjects of universal interest.

  4. Been there, done that! Ahem, more than once (let’s not count).

    Great post! Perhaps a new “rules” book in the making?

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 13, 2012 at 10:40 am #

      oooh a “rules” book…that sounds like a great idea! Especially considering how much I love telling people what to do haha. Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed the post 🙂

  5. Deborah DeLong April 13, 2012 at 10:42 am #

    Horrible flashbacks!! Who was that woman?? Surely, it wasn’t me! I would never would do things like that! I was in the Junior League, for gosh sakes!! 🙂

    Thanks for reminding me. Never again!

  6. Deborah DeLong April 13, 2012 at 10:43 am #

    P.S. I got the “accidental dial” so many times, I made him take my number off his phone. 😦

    • singer51781 April 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

      I’ve done the accidental text thing, haha. But it was just a random comment to a friend so he knew I was happy. No new flings. Now I’m embarrassed. LOL

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

      that’s awful! It sounds like it’s a good thing you didn’t end up with him!! what a jerk! xx

      • Deborah DeLong April 16, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

        Oh, yes. But so irresistible. Aren’t they always? 🙂

        Loved your post today too!! You are so wise for a youngster…

      • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm #

        Haha sad but true. Thank you so much! xx

  7. Simon April 13, 2012 at 10:50 am #

    Hilarious

  8. Cassy April 13, 2012 at 10:52 am #

    I feel happy every day to not have been a part of any of these break up rituals…I cringe every time I see it on my facebook… I especially dislike the whole “get engaged,” “break up,” “hang out,” “get back together,” “break up” cycles that some people do as well…all within a month.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

      I completely agree! Things like that can get so messy so quickly- it’s a vicious cycle, best just to break it sooner rather than later. Thanks so much for your comment! 🙂 xx

      • Cassy April 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

        It is a slippery slope that’s for sure!

  9. The Writer April 13, 2012 at 11:08 am #

    Brilliant. I appreciate the insightful laugh!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

      Thank you so much! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog! xx

  10. Ronald Dahle April 13, 2012 at 11:13 am #

    Absolutely love this line: “People say that happiness is the best revenge, but in my mind that’s like saying that unicorns are great for stabbing people.” Priceless.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:04 pm #

      Thank you so much! I’m so glad that you share my sense of humor!! 🙂

  11. Bird April 13, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    I loved it!!

  12. Offer April 13, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    Another delightful post, K, and so – shall we say – “well executed” too! Those days are thankfully in the distant past, but oh the angst and Thor-hammer damage to the self-esteem. Good times…not so much. Haha. Older, hopefully wiser, and glad to have been happily married to my best friend now for almost 19 years. Whoa. I’d better sit down now.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

      Thanks so much! And congratulations on 19 years–that’s amazing!! 🙂

  13. MJ, Nonstepmom April 13, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    So very funny ! The best “Win ‘ I ever witnessed was when a friend and I ran into her ex in a restaurant. He and his new twinkie came over to say hi as they were leaving and she managed to pull off looking him straight in the eye blankly and then doing the “Oh, yeah, it’s you ….” as if she didnt recognize him. It was brilliant !

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      haha that is AWESOME! I will have to add that tactic to my arsenal 😉

  14. Lola April 13, 2012 at 11:48 am #

    Living well is the best revenge, you must own your life if you want to live well.

  15. ramblingmommy April 13, 2012 at 11:48 am #

    afuckinmen…why waste anymore time on mr/ms wrong? seems pointless to me

  16. singer51781 April 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

    WOW! A funny blog, but a lot of wisdom here. I will take something away from it. The unicorn comment was a great analogy! 🙂 The ending was great, on how our energy should be used to better ourselves.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:08 pm #

      Thank you so much!! I’m so happy to hear that you are enjoying the blog and that you take something away from it 🙂 Your blog is awesome as well! xx

  17. Let's CUT the Crap! April 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm #

    People still do those silly things? I guess things haven’t changed much for the past hundred years then. Hmmm.

  18. Heather Michele April 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    “…that’s like saying that unicorns are great for stabbing people.” Hahahaha! Love this!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      Thank you so much!! I’m so glad that you share my sense of humor! xx

  19. evea192 April 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Love to make up….mmmmm

  20. ernestwhile April 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    THIS. This is why I’m not on Facebook. Or Twitter. Thanks so much for reminding me. You are very correct, though; I see a lot of this behavior in my capacity as a bouncer. So gross.

  21. 68ghia April 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

    So amazingly true this!!!
    Luckily, none of my ill-fated, nonstarting-relationships have ever meant enough to me to do anything about it.
    I usually blog about the arse and that’s the end of that…
    Enjoyed reading this 😉

  22. mummybigbum April 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

    I LOVE this post. I really enjoyed the previous two, too, especially as I am discovering the strange world of internet dating…eek!

    I love the idea of going out stabbing people with unicorns (if you ignore the violent side of that, that’s fine!)

  23. Farah Ng @ Broken Penguins April 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    Wow. I just realized what those cigar photos were about! God, I’m thick.

  24. jensine April 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

    just nominated you 🙂 jensinewall.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/let-the-sunshine-in

  25. Dating Superstar April 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    This post could not have come at a better time!

  26. Zhen Huang April 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    Note to self: do not butt dial anybody for any reason. Thanks for the funny and inciteful post.

  27. myfriendmissmiller April 14, 2012 at 1:01 am #

    Hooking up with his/her best friend should be on the DONT list haha!

  28. notthesinger April 14, 2012 at 2:19 am #

    Awesome post! I appreciate your insight and definitely laughed thinking of some of my own hilarious experiences. The go out and get drunk with your girls thing happened directly after the breakup for me (the girls went into rescue mode). This ended with me alone in the bathroom at the end of the night, crying, hiccuping and vomiting (sometimes simultaneously) while the ex himself was forced to listen and offer words of sympathy over the phone. All of this, by the way, should be on the DON’T list. Talk about a swift victory on his part…

  29. 365waystobehappy April 14, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    I loved the Happiness Is … comment. The unicorn reference is hilarious. Great writing.

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 14, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

      haha thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂 xx

  30. jennysserendipity April 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

    Breaking up through text, facebook..Whats next? Pinterest HAHA…Funny post 😉 Thank you for stopping by and liking my post Ideas coming out of my brain!

  31. Sarah April 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm #

    I was really disappointed when the post ended. Wanted to keep reading! Please keep writing 🙂 very funny!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 14, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

      will do!! More posts to come ASAP! Thanks so much for your comment and I’m so happy that you’re enjoying the blog! 🙂 xx

  32. Personal Concerns April 15, 2012 at 1:31 am #

    Enjoyed reading this post!

    Great job! Shall be reading more of you!

    Cheers!

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

      Thanks so much! I’m really happy that you are enjoying the blog! I’ll be reading more of you as well 🙂 xx

  33. smilepua April 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    Have you actually heard of someone doing the accidental dial while hooking up with someone? This post reminds me of the How I Met Your Mother episode where Ted tries to win the breakup.

  34. Gold and silver April 16, 2012 at 9:24 am #

    This games are really very harassing. People always don’t want to remember their ex. But this game reminds them and make them sad enough. I dislike this type of game. They are just using the emotion of the people.

  35. Nifti April 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm #

    Great Idea. Great theme. Love your posts!

  36. bollywoodpage3 April 17, 2012 at 4:49 am #

    super like this post

    • sorryiamnotsorry April 17, 2012 at 8:06 am #

      thanks so much! I’m really glad that you enjoyed it! 🙂

  37. heart2woman April 18, 2012 at 7:55 am #

    Once again, loved the post!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Day 15-Happiness is … a unicorn stabbing « 365waystobehappy - April 15, 2012

    […] list of things not to do when you have broken up with someone. Completely off topic, but so […]

talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: