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I’m a funny, free-thinking girl who loves philosophy, disco dancing to 70′s music, going on spontaneous adventures, and living life to the fullest. I love dogs and have an inexplicable affection for elephants. I know who I am and I know what I want out of life.

20 Things I learned from the latest James Bond movie, Skyfall

skyfall

SPOILER ALERT: Shit’s about to get real. Don’t read it if you don’t want to know it.

1. It is possible for someone to survive getting shot in the chest during an intense fight on top of a moving train, fall about a thousand feet into the river below, and appear to have drowned. However, it is not necessary to address how.

2. You can shoot a flare gun underwater. There is now no excuse for drowning after falling through ice.

3. A botched suicide by cyanide attempt can result in the destruction of all of your teeth and most of your face, and will ironically provoke your transformation into a villain who is really REALLY hard to kill, even when he wants to die.

4. Only extras die in explosions.

5. Nifty high-tech gadgets have apparently gone out of style. Vintage is in. I mean, who needs a shoe that’s a phone or a watch that shoots out zip-lines when they have a…wait for it….radio. Don’t be disappointed though, this isn’t just your ordinary radio. It’s…wait for it…small. I know, right? Mind = Blown. How do they think of these things?

6. Sometimes it’s so wrong it’s right still really wrong. At one point James Bond gets all Dr. Phil on the gorgeous Séverine (played by Bérénice Marlohe), deducing from the brand on her wrist that she had been sold into sex slavery when she was twelve or thirteen, and that she is being held captive by a powerful man of whom she is terrified. Less than an hour later he breaks into her room, sneaks up behind her in the shower, and immediately starts having sex with her. A man may have sorrow, but his penis hath none.

7. Your date will not be impressed that you can point out all of the inaccuracies in the fight scenes.

8. If given the choice, a man will choose mysterious over sassy every time. Though, that outcome may have been slightly skewed in this case, by the fact that the mysterious girl had sex with him, while the sassy girl shot him. I suppose there’s a fine line between a challenge and a homicide.

9. “You really cocked that up,” is an actual saying, and I’m going to start using it immediately.

10. You can make a woman the Prime Minister in a movie, but if you do you must make her irrational and annoying, forcing a man to be the voice of reason.

11. Situations in which witty comments are appropriate: When you are about to be shot, right after your former paramour is shot, when you’re dodging gunfire, when the villain is making uncomfortable sexual advances on you, when talking to beautiful women (or after talking to ugly women), and every time you encounter your nemesis. I recommend having a stockpile of ready-to-go witticisms, since in the moment it may be hard to shift your focus from survival to snark. Here are some of mine, so that I will be fully prepared to look both clever and like an insensitive asshole in tense situations: Oh man, I was going to eat that; Not in my town; Knock Knock? You’re dead!; Orange you glad you came? (For use after I club someone to death with an orange); You have some blood on your face; Looks like he wasn’t so lucky; Bet your horoscope didn’t warn you about this; Fortune cookie says…MURDER; Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids; The house always wins.

12. No matter how stuck a door is, it will always open right in time for the protagonist to avoid death.

13. Spies don’t need to use fake names. After all, spies could better spend the time that would be required to think of a new name, hitting on women who will almost definitely sabotage them about forty minutes later. Alternate identities are for pussies. You’re James Bond, bitch!

14. People can run faster than fire can spread.

15. Villains are really inefficient. Even when they are on a mission to kill one specific person of whom they have a clear shot, they will decide that it is important to first focus on killing all of the insignificant people surrounding them, giving the target ample opportunity to escape.

16. There will always be someone who knows more about computers than you do.

17. Heart, drive, and ambition are more important than actual skill. Until you’re forced at gunpoint to try and shoot a shot glass full of whiskey off the top of your lover’s head. Then skill is more important.

18. Dying is an often overlooked alternative to forced retirement.

19. When people ask you questions, it’s important to answer both vaguely and cryptically.

20. A person is more likely to remember the one time that you shot him, than he is all the other times you saved him.

As you can see this movie was highly educational, and often exciting. I would not hesitate to recommend it with mild enthusiasm.

xx,

Lady Haha

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15 Comments on “20 Things I learned from the latest James Bond movie, Skyfall”

  1. NEO January 6, 2013 at 1:26 pm #

    Good review, I suspect. At least I loved it but, that might be your writing.

  2. beckslou January 6, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

    This had me in stitches. Awesome observations x

    • sorryiamnotsorry January 7, 2013 at 1:14 am #

      So happy you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading 🙂 xx

    • Lesya March 4, 2013 at 12:04 am #

      We are members of the Sterling Historical Society and undsnetard that you will be discussing our house, the Ha Ha, located at 14672 Fancher Ave. during your next meeting on October 24, 2011. We will be sorry to miss that! We have owned the cottage since 2005 and have thoroughly enjoyed our place, many wonderful neighbors, Little Sodus Bay and the Village of Fair Haven. So much to do and so much history-there is no place like it. In three words-we love it! Keep up the good work; we look forward to visiting the museum soon! Chuck and Daria Bour

    • eglcopef March 7, 2013 at 6:42 am #

      cwhqfi batazfmusdxp

  3. kindredspirit23 January 6, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

    As I “saw” the movie again in my head as you spoke, I could, yes, agree to all your conclusions.
    Scott

    • sorryiamnotsorry January 7, 2013 at 1:03 am #

      Thanks! I love it when people agree with me 😉 xx

      • Reg March 5, 2013 at 6:40 am #

        Would you happen to have any faimly photo’s that were taken in Sterling that you would be willing to share? I live in Sterling and am interested in the history. Any photo’s that also include buildings are of interest.I remember your Aunt Francis and Uncle Dugan and Butch, they lived down the road from me when I was growing up.

  4. justinmcampbell January 6, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

    Outstanding!

  5. singlewhitefemaledating January 7, 2013 at 12:09 am #

    Thanks for your review (very clever)

    I haven’t seen it – but I heard it is a long movie…

    Going by your 20 valid points there is lot of action. Love a good action movie – who needs real, just take that shirt off!!! 😀

    • sorryiamnotsorry January 7, 2013 at 1:04 am #

      Thanks so much for your comment! I couldn’t agree more haha.

  6. pharphelonus January 7, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    inconsistencies in movies stick out like a sore thumb to me too.

  7. Rhino House January 7, 2013 at 5:14 am #

    I laughed-up a kidney……

  8. confrontation lyrics September 18, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

    Aw, this was an extremely good post. Taking the time and actual effort to generate a good
    article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and don’t
    manage to get nearly anything done.

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