At approximately 4 p.m. on Halloween day I made the worst decision that anyone can make at 4 p.m. on Halloween day: I went to Party City. I spent the next 45 minutes grabbing on to long grey wigs and Freddy masks to avoid being swept away by the crowds of crazed shoppers, all desperate to create a novel costume from the pittance of odds and ends littering the baron aisles of the store. I saw two year olds and twenty year olds in tug-of-wars over the same one-size-fits-all fairy costumes. It made me wonder…why?
Crocs: Just because Crocs are comfortable does not make them socially acceptable. There is plenty of comfortable footwear out there that doesn’t look like it was custom-designed for an obese nurse who moonlights as a clown.
I find birthdays to be the most perplexing of all holidays. For starters, every person in the whole world was born. It seems counterintuitive that this is the accomplishment that we have universally chosen to celebrate. A baby has literally nothing to do with being born, and yet on the day designated for celebrating birth, they reap the rewards. All the while the unsung heroes: broken condoms and wine coolers, are failing to get the recognition that they deserve.
I can honestly say that this book gave me a lot to think about…like, what the fuck is an inner goddess? Is it still abuse if an orgasm is involved? Has “fifty shades” always been an expression? Is a sex contract legally enforceable? How many people that I know have secret sex dungeons? Is it socially acceptable for me to read this book in public?
There is a certain bash-your-head-against-a-wall charm that accompanies a crush. The frustration of not knowing whether the feeling is mutual and the pain-staking analysis of the signs are enough to test the level-headedness of most women, never mind the added challenge of maintaining the illusion that you couldn’t care less. I have heard many a girlfriend bemoan the tortures of a crush, whining in between bites of Ben & Jerry’s that she simply wished she knew if he felt the same way. Well, for all of you ladies out there dotting your i’s with hearts…your pleas have been answered. By the end of this article you will have a very good idea about whether or not your crush is keeping your misery company.
Just because you got your cooties shot doesn’t mean that you’re in the clear. As it turns out, there are a host of other man-specific-ailments that a circle-circle-dot-dot regimen may not be able to prevent. This article hi-lights some of the most common ones.
I’m like, K bye.