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The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 10 Recap: Monkey Piss and Metaphors

Chris reminds Chris that he needs a wife—not a girlfriend. Let’s be real: what he NEEDS is a mail-order bride. It would be perfect—her expectations would be sufficiently low, and they’d both speak limited English!

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The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 8, A.K.A. “IOWANNA GO HOME!”

Chris announces that they’ll all be heading to Iowa, or as he calls it, “God’s Country.” Based on what I have seen of his hometown, I would be inclined to agree. It’s totally God’s Country…like Old Testament God’s Country. Specifically the part of the Old Testament where God totally screwed Job and took everything good away from him just to mess with him and see how long it would take for him to crack. You know, kind of like the producers are doing with the girls this season.

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